BethTrippin.com

I’m finally over Fallout 3. I’ve actually been falling asleep behind the controller while playing it. So now I have moved on - to Half-Life.
I’ve already played it but that was years ago, and now I remember how badass it is. I want a pet Head Crab. Dammit.

Work is taking over my life. But it’s still better then lying around hating myself and wasting my parents money. It’s great being able to pay my sis for housing and buy my own shit. It’s really taken a lot of guilt off my back and has made my life so much better.

After a year and a few months later I FINALLY got my Wendy O. Koopa tattoo colored yesterday! I’ll get a new photo soon. It looks WONDERFUL! And the irony is that the guy who finished it is named Mario (he also did my sister and I’s owls). He even said that if I were to get more Super Mario characters, he’d give me a discount and sounded quite excited about it, haha. I’ve already much considered getting a bunch of characters, and now I’m REALLY thinking about it.

My Wendy is on my wrist, and I’ve put to thought about getting other characters from the water world (from Super Mario Bros. 3, since Wendy is the boss of that world). I think getting the Bloopers and Cheep-Cheeps would look really cool, but I’d like to keep them below my elbow… and perhaps, what’s above my elbow could be Zelda images? I’m such a geek.

I love it, since whenever I feel down I can just look at my wrist and see Wendy and Super Mario has it’s way of making me feel nostalgic and like a kid again. I’m officially addicted to tattoos.. I mean, I’ve always liked them, but whenever I would get one I’d get very nauseous. But this time around, I watched him the whole time and conversed with other folks in the shop. Whenever he got down to the lower part of the tattoo was when I had to clinch my teeth a bit.

And folks, go visit Mario Gifs… which is near approaching 9 years of existence on the web (wow.. time flies).

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I also added many categories to this blog, it was a huge pain in the ass having to go back and edit all (near 200) posts and took about an hour but I managed. I just didn’t know what exactly to do about the older posts that involved me hanging out with the several folks who ultimately fucked me over. I have a category titled ‘evil people’.. but at the time I hung out with these folks I was too damn ignorant to know what they were going to do to me. There are also many posts I made back in 2007 under the influence of drugs, so I marked some under ‘drugs’ just to make a point of how irresponsible and lack-of-thinking they had made me.

It’s also quite pathetic that most of my posts are under ‘fuck my life’ and ‘fuck the world’.. but, well. That’s how I often feel.

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I also got two stickers for my truck in the mail, one says = ‘6 billion miracles are enough’ and the other is a Darwin fish. I hope I piss off some christians (joking). I’m pro-choice and anti-breeding, and highly believe that evolution is a fact and god is a theory, and have no problem expressing that. My intention is not to criticize people who have kids, but to say that people shouldn’t have unwanted children and there’s nothing immoral or wrong with abortion, unless you are using it as birth control - which I disagree with.. But one should use logical thinking when it comes to bringing a person into the world when you aren’t financially or emotionally ready.

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I also got the Orange Box from amazon, I really want to play it but I’ll wait until my current Fallout 3 obsession dies down (which, it won’t for awhile). I’ve already played Half-Life 2 back when it first came out and was addicted to that, even named one of my rats ‘Lamar’; haha.

I started working monday. All week I have been working 6am-noon (will do so tomorrow and friday as well). On this day, I talk to an old friend on myspace. There was a party, she invited me. I denied.. since my having to rise and shine at 4am to make it to my 6am shift.

So comes tuesday, and I get up quite easily and am actually looking forward to work, though wishing I could have attended that party. Later that day, another old friend texts me, saying his girlfriend is having a birthday party that night. AGAIN, I have to stay in because I had to work today at 6am.

Now I’m home, and got on myspace, and noticed a bulletin bout… guess what? THERE’S A PARTY TONIGHT.

GOD DAMMIT. I have work again, tomorrow morning at 6am (gotta get up at 4 once again). So I ain’t going.

What the hell? Every day that I have worked so far has had a nightly party. This rarely happens. It only had to because now that I finally got a job (that demands me waking up before the crack of dawn) everyone coincidentally is throwing parties, and all folks whom I haven’t seen in many months. AHH!

I could go out, but make sure I get my ass home by 11pm so I get enough sleep… but that’s impossible. I’m very familiar with myself when it comes to going out, once I have a beer, it leads to another, and another, and well… I’m pretty much incapable of moving the following day because of a hangover. With blending work with a social life I just cannot function, it’s either one or the other.
I’m just hoping I have the weekend off. There’s a big show friday night that I’ve been looking forward to for weeks. If I’m asked to come to work at 6am on saturday then I’ll have to miss it.

But it’s all worth it in the end, I really do enjoy work and makes me feel great about myself. Sure, customers are morons and piss me off (especially being in southlake - the richest town in the US), but it’s fun to be doing something productive.

I still can’t believe how people can enjoy bagels so damn much, I never really liked them in the first place.. and we have customers who come in everyday and get themselves the same ole bagel. First off - that must get boring, and it would be a lot cheaper just to buy them from the grocery store with your own cream cheese. I mean, we sell hundreds of them every morning. Boxes and boxes of bagels. Geez.
I try not to eat anything where I work though, it’s all very high in calories and I’m currently a damn manatee - if I ate the food they served here I’d be a whale within a month.

As stated previously, I like this job. I’m catching on pretty quick. One of the managers mentioned she’d start training me as cashier soon - which kind of bothers me. I’m just now getting my current position down and she already wants to stick me someplace new. What the hell. I like knowing my place and what I’m supposed to do, it keeps the customers happy and the line moving when I’m not asking for help when we’re in the middle of a rush. I hate seeing unsatisfied customers.

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AND I CAN’T STOP PLAYING FALLOUT 3.
I bought the Vault Boy bobblehead off ebay.. lol. I’m so obsessed with this game. I’m about halfway through level 19 and pretty much cleaned up on the main missions, I still have to complete the last one but I’ll get to that waaaay later once I’ve scavenged all of the Wasteland and side quests. Seriously, this game has become my life these past 2 months. I have no idea how many hours I’ve put into it but it’s quite a lot. Everything about it is perfect. I have my own separate life. I even have insane dreams just about every night based off of it.

Not to mention, I really enjoy hacking the computer terminals. I used to hate it, but after practicing I find it tons of a fun and a brain teaser.
I’ve pretty much played as a neutral character the whole time, never really doing anything extremely evil or super nice. I just steal a bunch of shit, so that’s pretty much the only thing bringing down my karma. Running around the wasteland shooting things and discovering new places is so damn fun.

I can’t wait to get the expansions. I don’t think I’ve had this much fun with a video game since Ocarina of Time (there’s been a lot since then, but as far as obsession). Oblivion is also a good game, but I really do enjoy Fallout a lot more - maybe because it is post-apocalyptic, and I love that kind of stuff.

I had a nightmare last night that my bf/it’scomplicated died.

I lent him my truck, so he could go to the gas station to buy beer and cigarettes, and he never came back. A few days go by and I notice all his stuff is gone from my room, and my mom is with me (somehow, I’m in my parents house back in El Paso) and she reads an article in the newspaper saying they found a slain man out in the desert inside a chevy silverado (which is my car). I sob my ass off, go crazy, and it was pretty much a terrible gutwretching nightmare.

A couple days go by and there’s another article in the paper saying the name of this person they found and it wasn’t Devin, but someone I don’t even know. The truck wasn’t even mine, I had jumped to conclusions as far as that first article.

So as it turns out, he took all his shit, stole my truck and left. The end. I sobbed even more.

Sheesh. What the hell.

We’re having problems. I’m just sitting around playing Assassin’s Creed because I’m so pissed off at the world, and at least I can kill people on this because otherwise I’d be wanting to in real life.

So it’s 5am and I find myself unable to sleep, as usual. I’m tired and can’t stop yawning, but still lay in bed waiting.

Instead I’ve been looking at dumb shit on the internet. Video game walkthroughs on youtube, in particular. I felt like having a moment of nostalgia and watched one of Wolfenstein 3d, which made me warm and fuzzy inside because I remember playing the hell out of that back when I was a kid. Apparently they have released it for PS3, exactly how it was back in the day. I’d like to get that and replay it again.

And you cannot forget -

FUCKING JILL OF THE JUNGLE.

Hell yeah, I was surprised to find that on there and damn happy because I haven’t seen this since I was like, 6. Sheesh, I was 4 when it came out (1991). And this dude playing it was a shitton better then I was. I always had a hard time figuring things out on that game.
Now I know where my Tomb Raider addiction came from. It had to start with Jill.

I also watched a brief clip of Fallout 3, and immediately bought it online. It looks badass, I want to keep watching the walkthrough but don’t want to ruin it for when I play. I also really want Bioshock, but I decided on Fallout 3 instead. I also want the Orange Box, I haven’t played Half-Life in forever and am ready to do so again. I love post apocalyptic shit.

God dammit, I just want everything. I want every game out there so I can be happily a hermit and never have to leave my house. ever again.

I’ve also started trying to play Assassin’s Creed again. I’ve got a little further but I find it so damn hard to get into.

Poor website. Neglected. Over-looked. Hitless.

I went to Beaumont again, saw Devin’s friends’ band, Capital Scam for their last show of their tour. It was awesome. Beaumont is always awesome. Dallas/Fort Worth fucking sucks and I want out of here. There are too many goddamn closed minded snotty people who pretty much come off as prejudice towards me (or something, who knows… which makes no sense as I am probably the nicest person you’ll ever meet, confused - but am willing to please). But just as equally there are cool people. I guess I’ve just been through too much crap here and want to get away.

Well, people are people, and they are like that everywhere. I guess it gets more and more noticeable the longer you live in one area.

I’m also still jobless, and having one would make a massive positive impact on my life. I’d drink less, feel like I’m accomplishing something, and have some kind of schedule besides laying around all day hating myself. I’m pretty much on the verge of mental breakdown, or well… I’ve always felt like this. Why I haven’t shot myself yet is beyond me.

Maybe I ought to see a shrink in hopes to get some kind of anti-depressants. Sure, medication is never the right answer but I’ve been so bad off this past year that I’m sleeping around 14 hours a day and am pissed off whenever I wake up because I’m still fucking alive and in this same place. Willpower isn’t working.

I have another fucking interview tomorrow, this time at Walgreens to work at the cosmetic counter. Walmart didn’t work out, apparently my B misdemeanor pot possession from 3 years ago deemed me ‘unhirable’ (such bullshit, seriously - your telling me that EVERYONE who’s worked at Walmart has ONLY had traffic citations/offenses related to that class).
Walgreens will probably turn out the same, afterall, bigass corporations… (ugh don’t get me started on that). I think I’ll just try to be alittle more straight up in this interview rather then sugarcoating everything, since that hasn’t seemed to work.

I don’t pay bills, I have money. Not mine, but I have it. So for financial reasons - a job isn’t entirely needed. But, I’m borderline about to blow up this planet in anger and am drowning myself in a horrendous depression because I sit around all day and think too much about bullshit. I drink way to much, since I don’t have to get up and work the next day. I shower once a damn week because I simply feel no damn motivation to get off my ass and even go out…. because nobody is fucking hiring me and I’m not accomplishing anything, being an overall failure. A job is important for my mental state. Very.

And once I do find work (most likely in post-apocalyptic times if I survive) I am going to save up and move the fuck out of here and get a place with Devin in Austin or in the near-area. We choose Austin because a.) people there are great and much more accepting b.) there is a bus system for him c.) We’re already friends with many folks down there (well, he is.. but I’m well acquainted) d.) Being in a ‘happy’ environment will keep me sane, thus functioning.

Devin and I have been together for 9 fucking months but not with our own place, and having to deal with the 250 miles between us. I’m hating it. I’ve had to get in my car, say bye to him, and drive away about 7 times now.. leaving him at places not even he can stay at. His situation is even worse then mine, since nobody can let him stay with them and he’s out in the middle of nowhere. How he can get a job that’s in bumfuck africa without a home is near impossible.

However, there are a few things about Austin that has me worried. a.) If things DID go downhill (financially/emotionally/achoholically/any other kind of ally) I’d go crazy. Probably move back in with my parents and possibly finally work up the guts to kill myself b.) There are many good people there, who enjoy hanging out often - If I’m going to hang out with anyone I will have to work on my drinking by not doing it unless there’s a show or party or something. Hanging out and NOT having a beer in my hand is a massive battle I’ll have to deal with. People make me nervous. Beer numbs nervousness. I have to learn to get over that. c.) The last time I lived with a boyfriend it damn near ruined my life, of course, Devin is very much different from that last psycho… but I still worry about things going the complete opposite of what is planned.

Well, that’s the bottom line - fear of the unknown. Always plaguing me.

And a change of topic, before I start breaking something or crying…
I’m going to start eating right and working out. I have not weighed myself in months, but I’m damn sure it’s nearing 190 lbs. My pants do not fit anymore. I need to go out and buy more, but I hate, hate hate absolutely hate shopping. So instead I don’t wash them, so they remain stretched out. I don’t wear my modified tank top band shirts anymore because they too hardly fit and I feel uber-huge having my shoulders and upper arms showing.
Plus, getting off my ass and exercising will make me feel overall better about myself, and increase my energy. If I could channel all my stress and sadness into running around the neighborhood again, that would be much better then eating fried chicken and playing PS3.
I’ve done it before, can do it again. I have lost around 20 lbs by eating right and jogging back in late 2007 early 2008, but it took about 6 fucking months to do so. I’ve gained all that back and then some because I did not stick to it. But I know it is possible, and it wasn’t entirely as dreadful as most think it to be. The hard part will be the first 2 weeks or so, since I’m so damn out of shape.
I’ve also craiglisted stationary bikes and intend to buy one, that way I could stick it in front of the television and sit there drilling myself in my bedroom.

It’s so damn unfair that my metabolism is slow as fuck. If I ate like a normal person I still gain weight, so I just need to do extra. I know it is society that makes us believe we’re supposed to look a certain way that’s unrealistic, and I’ve had so many men tell me not to worry and that I’m fine. But seriously they’re full of shit. I’m 5′8″ and yes, I wouldn’t mind being 120 lbs - which is sickly, but seriously, it would be nice to be a size 2. But it ain’t going to happen unless I run daily marathons and go on an all-out cocaine binge. I’m just going to eat right, work out, and not aim for a specific number or size but just see how much lard I can loose in healthy method.

Well, that was a large post - and what’s surprising about it is that I’m 100% sober. This is probably the first post I’ve made that’s over a paragraph and I’m not in a drunken ramble.

Oh and by the way, I bought Grand Theft Auto 4 and Resistance and both are badass. Resistance is beginning to scare the crap out of me.

I CAN’T STOP PLAYING OBLIVION!!!

So in my last post I mentioned my citations.

I paid off the P.I. warrant, because… well, uhm. I got pulled over for speeding and was picked up for it. Thank god I had money in the bank and was out of Keller jail in less than an hour. I’m ashamed, but happy that they were able to book and process me that quickly. I just have to call Irving tomorrow to make extra sure that the warrant is cleared.

So, no more P.I. warrant! I’m broke. $390 to pay that MF off. And just to think, if I were to be responsible and pay it off in the beginning it would be around $250. But my dumbass had to be insubordinate and let it draw out into a warrant. Once again. I’ve been arrested in grand total about 10 times in the past 3 years, most of which being warrants for BS, lost a job because of a warrant related arrest and just causing more burdens for myself. I don’t get it, why can’t I just grow the fuck up and take care of things? I guess I just think I can get away from legal things, but no - I don’t. Ever. The right thing to do would be to sit it out and not bother to pay for it. I should learn to ‘pay my dues’.

And now, two more speeding tickets.

Sheesh. I have an iron foot

Beth - get it together. Please for fucks sake.

Or just move, far… far far away. To someplace non-exsistant like middle earth.
Or well, I’ve come close… Oblivion came in the mail today and I’m playing this game non-stop. It’s like crack!!!
Help! I need an rpg PS3 intervention!!!

Mom bought me a PS3!

So here I am bitching about all these traffic citations and not being to pay them off and I get a PS3; oh my priorities are so jacked up. But look at it this way - the PS3 has caused me to stay home; basically becoming a full blown hermit. I’m less likely to get picked up by the cops if I stay in, right?

I quite literally have not left the house in DAYS. I bought Tomb Raider: Underworld and I’m pathetically addicted. And it’s only gonna get worse - I ordered Oblivion off of Amazon for $20 and it should be in any day now. I can see myself being massively obsessed with it.

The graphics are AMAZING. I guess after playing my PS2 for so many years, and not seeing much of a PS3 has made me not realize how damn advanced things are with gaming.

I’m also starting a diet thing I kind of came up with. It works.
I eat the right amount of calories in the day - 2,000 or so (I try to make a guess at how much I’ve consumed) and by the end of the day if I’m craving for munchies or another sandwich, I chug as much water as possible. It makes my stomach feel full, and water is good. I sure been pissing a lot, even waking up at night to make a trip to the bathroom. But it keeps me from over-eating and I already feel better. They say your supposed to drink asstons of water every day and now I understand that it actually helps.

I’ve also cut sodas and fast food out entirely, and the alcohol intake has slowed down quite a bit (though I drank a 6-pack last night). A lot has to do with the PS3, instead of being bored and getting drunk every night, I’m kept entertained.

Of course I’ve done all this before. It’ll last a couple weeks and then I’ll go back to bad habits. It’s like a damn rotation beyond my control.

As for that Walmart interview, I’m quite sure I got the job. The problem is I had to have a drug test. And it’s just my luck to have to have it when I hardly EVER smoke weed anymore, but I had a hit a couple days previous to the test. Wtf. We’ll have to see how that goes. Ughhhh…

I also cut my bangs. A bit too short. It’s hard to straighten them, I’ve already burned my forehead and fingers multiple times. Well, it will grow back. And no matter what it’s better then before, since they were in my face and annoying as all hell.

What an Xbox 360’s funeral would be like. haha

myspace.com/ohnodudes

Fucking awesome, I cannot help but laugh each time I hear it.

So the new Halo is coming out tonight. I can’t wait to play it, although I don’t own an xbox 360. If only I could drop hundreds for a gaming console…

I wish I could get it and play!! Ah!