BethTrippin.com

Yeah I’m alive.
… Whether that’s good or bad; I’m unsure.

A lot has happened, lost another job, met a guy (no idea where that’s going but I’m just taking it as it comes - after all; men = greatness, then quickly followed by hell and further loneliness). Been going to many punk/metal shows, denounced 4 people as friends in the past month (3 of which because drugs and I’m not going to see them go down like so many others; and I’ve been there, lost my first two apartments because of that and much of my sanity) and another because of that guy I mentioned previously (makes no sense; she’s just crazy).

I’ve been drunk for the past 4 years or so but it comes in phases, and the past 3 months has literally been nonstop. I mean, I do manage not to drink during the day, but once 6pm comes around I get very shaky and antsy and that leads me to a drink, then to another, and about 10 more following that. Otherwise I just get jumpy, my vision slightly looses itself; and forget trying to sleep, the paralysis gets horrendous.
The drama involving several folks has pretty much set me in a bad mind-set and my depression is kicking in again. Or, well. I think I’m always depressed. I just like to try to keep myself distracted.
I’ve also had a bad habit these past many months of not going home. I go out, and pretty much couch surf between multiple friend’s apartments and get drunk as piss night after night. I hate coming home, it just makes me feel guilty to be sitting in my sister’s house because I cannot get my life together. I also hate the fact that when my parents come in town I feel like I’m of no importance - and sure, it is my fault, I’ve always ben a very complicated child. But as of now, I almost feel no bond with my family (besides my sister, whom I feel is slowly getting tired of putting up with me).

Hell. Fuck it. It could always be worse. That’s my life motto. Has been for many years. And when I do come home, I enjoy lying on my floor playing with the ferrets.

Damn, who woulda thought vodka and mango V8 Splash was a damn good combination.

If someone could just create a tele-porter; please contact me. I’m interested in being a guinea pig. Send me to an uninhabited island with nothing but horses and rolling hills with rocky cliffs and waterfalls.

Oh and I just remembered to mention, I got a letter in the mail today with was rather humorous. Texas has this whole ‘Don’t Mess with Texas’ campaign; which… previously… thought it was just some random road-signs that tax payers paid for. BUT - this letter I received had a notice saying that I was witnessed throwing a cigarette butt out of my car on October 5th 2009 at 7am and a civilian turned me in. The letter even has my plate number on it, make and model of my car, and the location of which this occurred at.
What boggles my mind is the fact that some dumbass tree-hugging hippie would go as far as to call the ‘Report a Litterer’ program for a mother fucking cigarette butt. Ridiculous.

Move to an Indian slum. Then call ‘Report a Litterer’ and see how many laughs you get. Jesus Christ. The letter they sent me probably used just as much resources as a fucking cig butt that’ll bio-degenerate in 10 years anyway.

People are so fucking retarded. All they want to do is start problems. There’s such a select few who actually care and want to have a good time.

Why is it that some cities don’t have the option to pay traffic citations online?

Walking into a damn courthouse to pay of a ticket asks for panic attacks. Ugghhh.
Well, having to make a presence in any bureaucratic office is beyond stressful. Even when I do take care of my shit and know that I have no warrants, I can’t help but feel like I’m going to puke everywhere.

I brought this up because I’m trying to take care of shit from home, and of course it is not working out (as usual). Southlake doesn’t have an online payment system. You would think - being the richest fucking city in the U.S., they’d be able to afford some kind of payment system.

And it has a lot to do with how they bullshit you if you DO have a warrant.

Such as over a year ago… They did this to me in Frisco; I called, asking details about my citation and they specifically said ‘No - your ticket has not become a warrant and you need to come in and pay your fine.’

So - I get to the courthouse, and they wouldn’t let me pay for my fine because I did not have a picture ID.
I did not renew my license because I was afraid to go to dmv for fear of a warrant, which is why I came to this courthouse in the first place because I needed a new id before my 21st bday.
“I’ll head back home and get an expired ID then.” I tell the clerk, but she looks up at me and states: “I can’t let you out of the building, you have a warrant.”
“I thought you told me over the phone I that my ticket had not yet become a warrant.” I’m say, further angered.
“It just became one. I cannot let you leave the building.”
“CAN’T I JUST PAY FOR IT, WHAT DOES IT MATTER IF I DON’T HAVE A PICTURE ID; YOUR STILLING GETTING MONEY.” (I’m getting pissed).
“It’s protocol, you have to have a picture ID and I cannot let you leave the building with an active warrant.” She says, like some kind of parrot.

So I called my sister, asked her to go by my apartment (about 45 minutes away from her house), and ask her to grab a journal I had years ago where I pasted an old id of mine in. However, It’s about 3:00 and she isn’t off work yet and the courthouse closes at 5:00.

So I sit and wait, and she can’t make it on time (bless her for being helpful though, man I don’t deserve that). Two hours go by (I’m sitting in the front with a damn cop watching me like I’m going to bolt for a fucking traffic citation). Thankfully the judge requests to see me at the end of his day, so I take an oath in front of him that I am the name of the person I’m TRYING TO PAY A DAMN FINE FOR.
I pay off the warrant and leave.

Ugh.

Of course, this all could have been avoided if I just paid off my shit. I understand that I was irresponsible. However, it pisses me off how they fool you into coming in. And why I can’t pay off my own fine without a photo id is straight up retarded. The reason why I had not renewed my id was because of a fear of a warrant, so I came here to get that fixed and ended up almost going to jail for a fucking 200-something dollar fine. It was just some weird kind of place to get myself stuck in, even the judge thought it was humorous.

Well, I guess it does make some sense though, if your clerk at a courthouse and someone calls you up asking if they have a warrant - obviously you have to say no even if they do, otherwise they would not come in. All counties have hard-ons for folks with warrants, even for parking tickets.

—- So this, my friends, is why I am scared of municipal courthouses, dmv’s, and any other departments. And this is why I’m trying to take care of it over the internet. Sometimes just logging onto any department website gives me anxiety and think a damn swat team is going to bust through my front door.

Enough of that, before I give myself a heart attack.

Well, speaking of heart attacks.. I ran today for the second time.
It actually felt better this time around, I was able to run longer. Problem is the damn blister on the back of my heel.. which is no longer a blister but a bunch of shredded skin. I bought blister bandaids but they just rubbed off. Dammit.

.. wtf. I can hear my sister’s cats arguing right outside my room. ha.

So in my last post I mentioned my citations.

I paid off the P.I. warrant, because… well, uhm. I got pulled over for speeding and was picked up for it. Thank god I had money in the bank and was out of Keller jail in less than an hour. I’m ashamed, but happy that they were able to book and process me that quickly. I just have to call Irving tomorrow to make extra sure that the warrant is cleared.

So, no more P.I. warrant! I’m broke. $390 to pay that MF off. And just to think, if I were to be responsible and pay it off in the beginning it would be around $250. But my dumbass had to be insubordinate and let it draw out into a warrant. Once again. I’ve been arrested in grand total about 10 times in the past 3 years, most of which being warrants for BS, lost a job because of a warrant related arrest and just causing more burdens for myself. I don’t get it, why can’t I just grow the fuck up and take care of things? I guess I just think I can get away from legal things, but no - I don’t. Ever. The right thing to do would be to sit it out and not bother to pay for it. I should learn to ‘pay my dues’.

And now, two more speeding tickets.

Sheesh. I have an iron foot

Beth - get it together. Please for fucks sake.

Or just move, far… far far away. To someplace non-exsistant like middle earth.
Or well, I’ve come close… Oblivion came in the mail today and I’m playing this game non-stop. It’s like crack!!!
Help! I need an rpg PS3 intervention!!!

I can’t sleep.

I find myself really mad right now for no particular reason.

Devin and I did another one of our ping-ponging across Texas. This time it consisted of Beaumont, Austin, Houston, Del Rio, and that south tip near Big Bend. I dropped him off back in Beaumont several days ago. Ugh. I hate having to adjust without him. Someday we’ll have our own apartment. It’s will happen, but getting a job during this impossible time isn’t helping the situation.

I have over a hundred photos but I’m too damn lazy to post them. But here’s a couple of us in our lovely 5 star suite:

I also seriously need to get off my fat lard tubby nasty ass and start running. It’ll help with the stress and I can’t really fit in my pants anymore, it takes a good 5 whole minutes of me fighting with them to get them on. And my damn face looks like a damn muffin and I can’t even see my damn cheekbones because there’s about an inch of fucking fat all over my face. God dammit. Why can’t I have a fast metabolism or make myself puke. Dammit.

I’m just on a roll, eh?

BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH Dammit fucking cocksucking rainbow colored cum bubble on a dead man’s ass horseshit.

And the city of Irving sent me a fucking letter for that fucking P.I. and speeding ticket warning me about possible warrants. Fuck you. A couple nights in jail almost seems peaceful right now. IT’S NOT LIKE I’M BUSY WORKING, NOBODY WILL FUCKING HIRE MY FATASS. I love sleeping, and jail is damn well a good place to do that.

They just need asstons of money because some dumbass decided to build the whole friggin city on a landfill, so now all the little yup shopping centers are sinking and the roads are fucked. ‘Tard.

(I’ll pay it off; somehow. Sheesh.)

Twister is on TNT. I haven’t seen this shit in years - hellz yeah. Good ole Bill Paxton. Ha.

And the Popeyes near my house is ran by a bunch of morons. I had to repeat my order 3 times at the intercom and they still got it completely wrong, it was cold, and the dude at the window wouldn’t stop trying to have a conversation with me. Under normal circumstances I wouldn’t have been so frustrated, but one of my contacts fell out while driving there - so here I was driving with only one eye open to keep myself from getting nauseous. Then I somehow managed to near hang myself with my seat belt when I got out of my car, causing my chicken box to open and my biscuit fell out.

I also owe the City of Irving about $300-400 worth of fines that I do not know how the hell I’m going to pay. Ugh.

Fuck my life.

I just want to go to Beaumont, pick up Devin, and drive north - anywhere. Or go back to New Mexico and be woodland people. Max the shit out of my gas card. Run away. The past few weeks have been an emotional roller coaster.

These are from last night -

I need to cut my bangs. They’re getting annoying.
I’m also getting more and more addicted to makeup. The best site EVER. It’s pointless. But whatever. I have nothing better to do then paint my face.

So I’m out of jail, 2 days earlier then expected… which is weird, but I’m not complaining the least bit. So I served 8 days total; they released me today at midnight.

So of course they kept me in the book-in area for about 34 hours this time. It wasn’t as stressful, I guess because I saw it coming this time around. It also made things easier since I turned myself in prepared - wearing a huge fleece pullover and bigass windbreaker pants; so I didn’t freeze my ass off. About 10 of the 34 hours that I was in there, they’d send us ladies to a holding cell (because there were so many men, and they didn’t want the two sexes crossing paths, or they’d have trustees come clean; who are inmates that work in the jail). In these holding cells, there are steel benches, but I found those difficult to sleep on since I kept sliding off. So I’d sleep on the disgusting concrete floor, which the others girls thought was crazy of me since it was probably covered in all sorts of bacteria. However, in my defense… I’ll sleep anywhere when I’m that sleepy. Frankly, I don’t give a damn.. asphalt is just fine to sleep on when your that delirious. Plus, being that I wore such a huge pullover, I slept in fetal position inside of it. It was warmer that way, and my skin wasn’t touching the floor.

Some of those girls in the book-in were damn annoying, ranging from the teenagers crying (wailing/sobbing) about what they’re parents would do to them, to the cluckers who were still high and talking irrationally. There is also always the girl who’s been arrested so many times for so many different charges that she believes she knows everything about the legal system and gives advice to everyone the entire time, which never strikes me as being credible.

There was also a girl in there who was arrested for some… uhm… dramatic charges. She told us that CPS (Child Protective Services) accused her of watching her husband molest her daughter. She said it was a bunch of bullshit. But I was doubting it, the girl was weird. Something was “off” about her… and I’m pretty sure CPS wouldn’t waste their time without significant information. This further proves just how many weirdos are in there, yipes.

Meanwhile - I just stay quiet and sleep (or try sleeping). I speak every once and a while whenever somebody asks me a question, or feel the need to really say something. It’s just like middle school, I was always very quiet and kept to myself.

Eventually I’m sent upstairs to population, they put you maximum security the first several days (I don’t know why) where I was given a cell, which I shared with a cellmate. She had been there for 2 years, for armed robbery. Wow. 2 years… If I was stuck in that place for that long I’d probably swan dive off the bunk bed and and purposely break my neck. She was going to be sent to a prison in Waco, and serve another year there. 3 years total, which isn’t bad given what her charge was. She said she was part of the robbery, but it was her cousin who had the gun.

She was really nice to talk too, I liked hearing her life, her story. She heard mine, which wasn’t quite as tumultuous, but it still raised her eyebrows. When your in a cell with someone for 5 days you’ll learn a lot from them and about them, and especially girls like those, who’ve been through a lot of shit in their lifetime. You also can tell them anything, even the embarrassing traumatic shit you don’t want people to know about … because you know you’ll never see your cellmate again. It’s like a form of free counsel.

I don’t make any attempts to be friends with those girls, because afterall - their criminals. Most were obviously drug addicts. Some were pretty smart, others dumber then a bag of hammers. But they all had one thing in common, and that was 1) they’re in jail and 2) they have serious issues, whether it be drugs, custody battles, family, abusive relationships… or all of the above.
It made me thankful for being able to quit drugs successfully, and have a supporting family and friends who do care about me. If I had kept up with all that, I’d probably be just as those girls are today. I felt sorry for them, but I also didn’t. I never know whether to reach out and try to help those kind of people, or figure they should just go back to the pipe/syringe and wither away. I’ve tried helping one in particular, but he jeopardized my life and took so much. This is why I find myself so jaded these days.

So after 5 days I get sent to minimum security, which sucked. I didn’t like it, there’s more freedom but we didn’t have a cell. It was a huge open area with all our bunks… and it wasn’t nearly as cozy. I also had a hard time waking up because there was no intercom with the volume jacked up for the guards to yell at you for head count (3 times a day). But I didn’t spend too much time there.

I spent most of my time reading and sleeping. I read several books… Mariel Of Redwall by Brian Jacques; The Innocent Man by John Grisham (AMAZING book - recommend to everyone and anyone); Pop Goes the Weasel by James Patterson; and half of The Client by John Grisham (now one of my favorite authors). I plan to buy the book tomorrow so I could finish the rest.

And I also managed to keep my lip piercings the entire time, it was a little of a burden but I was determined to not have them seal. I wore my posts without the balls screwed on the ends, and whenever a guard was nearby or talking to me I pulled them in (with my teeth) so they didn’t stick out. They only searched us persons whenever we left the pods (running their hands all over us), and I’d take them out and hide them in my belly button (it’s like, half an inch deep.. gross I know, but paid off for something, and as long as I suck in my stomach you can’t really see anything if your looking from above, such as when the guard stood in front of me 5 feet away and watched me shower before I was sent to population).

So now my eyes are open just a little more, my acne is flared up, I haven’t shampooed my hair or shaved anything in 9 days, and my sleep schedule is still just as messed up as it was before. But I’m in my own bed, sipping a beer, having a cigarette as I please and I’m not eating jail food.

Have my legal issues finally driven me so crazy to the point that I am seeing things?

So there’s this damn cop that patrols this neighborhood nightly, and I see him every once and a while… he’s already given me a parking ticket (parking against traffic).

It’s 1:00 am right now, and I pull into my driveway… shut off my engine, and gather my shit to go inside and call it a night - and the fucker is sitting right behind me, on the adjacent street. And he just keeps sitting there… like I’m some kind of suspicious character. I’m weary because I had about 3 beers (not near drunk - not even tipsey, and I ate, so I felt sober). By the time I grab my purse and leftover food, he’s coasting away (slowly). Then I grab my leftover 3 beers from my 6 pack, and go inside.

WTF. I’m already batshit crazy from feeling lack of security in this world, and now I need this damn cop sitting near my house everytime I come home.

Perhaps I do drive through the neighborhood a little too quickly, and I’m sure that looks suspicious to him… and I come home late very often.

But still..

WHAT THE FUCK?
And now I’m going to have an even harder time sleeping tonight, I’m already nervous about turning myself in tomorrow. And now I have this bored cop who likes sitting on my turf to think about.

Maybe my 9 days away will make him give up and leave my dumbass alone.

So the judge asked me whether I wanted to turn myself in today (I was at the courthouse at 1:00), or tomorrow morning.

I chose tomorrow, being that I’m a procrastinator… and I didn’t want to sit in a holding cell in that courthouse for several hours waiting for transport to county. Tomorrow I can just drive over there and turn my ass in. I hate Collin county… it’s nice, I’ve heard (from girl’s who’ve been to other jails) but their booking process is SO SLOW.

Last time I turned myself in I sat in the booking area for 32 hours… Sitting in a plastic chair, with no television, no freedom to move around, in 65 degree temp… not even being allowed to put your feet up.. for 32 hours.. was pure hell.
Yes - I know they cut thieves’ thumbs off (or hands) in other countries (I’m no thief, I’m just making an analogy) but I think sitting in an insanely uncomfortable chair for 32 hours is pretty damn close to cruel and unusual, especially being that this is the USA and it’s not expected to be treated in such a way.

Hopefully those cold-hearted guards will actually be working this time around and get to sending my ass upstairs (in population) in less then a day. Last time; us ladies just sat there watching them, and these guards literally didn’t do jack shit. Just one or two of them would be on computers, whilst several more are just standing around talking about stupid bullshit. It really goes to show that they consider us criminals, so that makes us insignificant. Their worse then police when it comes to being on a power-trip… and they don’t really have any schooling or skills to be doing that sort of job. They just get to wear a uniform and put handcuffs on people.

Whenever they sent us in a small holding cell for half an hour (to let other incarcerated people come in and clean) it would be wondrous. Being able to lay down on cold concrete and catch a few ZZZs was such a blessing. Never-mind how much bacteria and nastiness might be there.

Ohhhh.. enough. I’ll get myself all worked-up.

I just hope to god they send me upstairs much sooner then last time….

Ignore that post below, I was drunk.

I go to court at 1:00pm tomorrow and they’ll probably send me to county for the 10 days.
But a part of me hopes that the judge sees my cute face and decides that I don’t need a sentence… haha. JOKING.

We’ll see, but most likely I’ll be gone until to 21st. So til then - everyone take care!

At least they have a bunch of books in there, and we don’t shower together (ew). I’m going to try to hide my piercings in my belly button… lets see if that works out. I’d hate to have them seal.

Jail Soon.

Omg.

I’m not going to think about it.
But I can’t help it.

10 days.

As I sit in that cell… and see the sun come up and down, I will not count it. I’ll just remind myself how much I have fucked shit up.

My life is in so much turmoil. I have quite literally lost who I am. I don’t know anymore. I’m more confused now then when I was when I graduated high school.
I’m so stuck on the people who have hurt me; I have been THROUGH HELL. The most… horrendous hell… drugs… men… everything…

70% of the people I have met in my life have used me. Why?
I’m rich.

I’ve had friends, relationships… they lied to me so they can get money out of me.
70%
70%
70%
70%

I’d much rather be a homebum… alone… then to be used like I have been. Read my archives.

I am no longer ignorant.

But

I am a stupid, dumbass drunk.

Why?

You have NO IDEA. NONE.

I have not done anyone wrong.. not once in my entire life. Stick me on a lier detector.
I’ve lost all faith in karma. It is a bullshit word.

This is insane.
So for probation I had to sign up for several things…

Drug Offender Classes - $90
Drug Evaluation - $100
Psychological Exam -$200!!!!

WTF. This is wrong. So very, very WRONG. It’s all court ordered so I have to do it… but what if I was a single mother, living on my own? How do they expect people to afford all this shit? Combine all these prices and that’s almost an entire month’s rent.

I am really looking forward towards the psychological assessment, they’ll probably put me on suicide watch or something. I’m going to be flat out honest this time around.

So I’m well aware that I have several traffic warrants - I have no fucking money to pay them off. But I’m going to find some kind of way to get it taken care of. Today was a wakeup call.

I get back to my apartment today, and find a constable’s business card stuck in the door. Of course, I freak out… thinking they’re coming to my house to arrest me. I take my shower, do my makeup, get ready to leave… and as I’m standing in the bathroom I hear the distinct knock of a cop at my door (”BAM BAM BAM!!! *pause* BAM BAM BAM!!!)

So I break down and huddle in a little ball in the closet. As all of my two readers know, I have a bad habit of running away from my problems. He eventually leaves.

I call his number on the card, and it turns out he’s looking for the person who lived here before me. But then, I’m wondering if that’s a true story… could he just be telling me this so I’ll answer the door next time, giving him the opportunity for an arrest?
So I’m still nervous. Not as much as before… but jeezus. I had a complete panic attack when I saw his card, and again when I heard him knocking. Uhhhh.

I went to a strip club last night with a number of friends, it was very fun. It’s the top place to witness men being the weak dumbasses they are, and it’s so damn obvious which sex has more power. So my lady friend and I are watching the girls, either complimenting or degrading their shoes, hair, and outfits. One of my friends offers to buy me a lap dance, I deny, and deny… and keep denying; but eventually I get one. Whilst this chick is waving her ass and poon in my face I’m just thinking, “My god, I hope she doesn’t have hepititis.” She was pretty… but to be a step below prostitution they all gotta be crazy and on drugs.

I think I had about 3 shots of parrot bay… and then 3 Hornsbey’s.

It’s very interesting… for new years i bought vodka and captin morgan parrot bay.. that next day I got home (once released from Denton County) the rum was hardly touched, and the vodka completely GONE. I guess taste is insignificant, being that vodka is 40% and the rum just 21%. All alcoholics can identify with this… you can have a huge assortment of liquer.. some of the most expensive, delicious of the pallet, but in the end you’ll only drink whatever has the highest percentage. Why? TO GET DRUNK!

If my probation officer ever where to come upon this site I’d be totally doomed.. but I think the chances are worth the risk of being able to express myself. I have to express myself… so kill me. Being that I already have a personel journal, but I still love to broadcast myself.

Say your thoughts, I love comments. Please.

Nobody comes here anyways, but what do I care?

I wish I was a ferret. Really. In a cage, ignorant, too dumb to know how shitty life can be. Or wait… I have a ferret who was abused, and I see how it has effected her… and how I’ve told her she will never face human abuse ever again… but just like people, she cannot let go and trust anyone.

BAH! People suck. I suck. Ah hahaha.

It’s ironic that I made that post before this one.

New Years pretty much sucked, but it was from my own doing. Ended up getting a little beat up by a fat, 50 year old psychopathic person and arrested. Ugh.

I just don’t understand how the heat ended up on me when I was the one physically assualted, and I tried to get away but it’s kind of hard when someone won’t let you leave their house.

Definantly a moronic move on my part, once again. And on top of it I was fired. I’ve had a few days to release the rage from it…

Just a couple days and I’ll have a new apartment and change my number and everything will be back into place.
I swear. As long as I keep my composure, and not get all crazy and end up in these sort of problems.

There’s always something to marsh my mellow. Always. But as I said before, I’m the one to blame.

Just another “Beth the Fuck Up” story I can pass onto others. HarHar.

And one of those surveys everyone does…

***2007 General

What was the best thing that happened?
- Grew up; realized how much people can suck
Did you get your driver’s license?
- I’ve had it since 2004
Did you graduate high school or college?
- Dropped out, again
Did you get married?
- Hell no
Did you become a parent?
- Thank god no
Did you become an aunt or an uncle?
- Not yet, my sis needs to hurry up though
Did you have any run-ins with the cops?
- Haha, called them a couple times, Did get arrested around 4am January 1st though, but I don’t think that counts
Did you move somewhere new?
- Into an apartment that now is nothing but bad memories
Did you make any new friends?
- Yes, but few turned out to be worthwhile
How many people did you kiss?
- 5, I think
How many people were you romantically involved with?
- 2
Did anyone close to you die?
-
Did you get a new car?
- Nope, but after having mine stolen for 5 weeks, getting it back sure felt like I did
Did you dye your hair?
- Highlights and lowlights
Did you go out of the country?
- Mexico
What was the worst thing that happened to you?
- HAHAHAAHAHA I can’t even start on that
Did you go to a wedding?
- Nope.
Did you make a NY resolution at the start of 2007?
- Yes, already kind of broke it
Did you go to the hospital?
- Nope, surprisingly
What was the best movie you saw in theaters?
- Eh, don’t remember
Best book you read?
- Outlander by Susan Gabaldon
Greatest achievement?
- Nothing
Are you dating the same person you were dating at the start of 2007?
- No.
What was the best cd released this year?
- Hell if I know..
Are you still friends with the same people?
- Nope, just a few here but still everyone back home
Did you get a tattoo?
- Nope, still need to get mine fixed
How about a piercing?
- Nope
Did you meet anyone famous?
- Nope
Did you get any new pets?
- Yes - 2. Oi is no longer with us due to fucked up reasons beyond words.
Maynard is my baby big boi

***The “Lasts” of 2007

Who was the last person you kissed?
- A friend of Conner’s.
Last person you told “I love you”?
- My sis, or my mom
The last place you went?
- The liquer store
The last person you spoke to?
- Probably the people I was partying with
The last movie you watched?
- I am Legend my friend got on DVD somehow
The last song you heard?
- No idea
The last color shirt you wore?
- Blue
The last person to call you?
- I think it was Matt but I missed the call
The last time you cut your hair?
- Sometime in October or November
The last thing you ate?
- Wendys Chicken Ceaser salad
The last thing you drank?
- Svedka Vodka
The last book you read?
- Autobiography of Pattie Boyd
The last person you hugged?
- I dunno.
The last time you went swimming?
- In Hawaii
The last game you played?
- Haven’t been playing much games this year
The last guy you hung out with?
- Guy friends
The last girl you hung out with?
- Britney and her sister
The last family member you hung out with?
- My sis
The last time you went to theaters?
- American Gangster I think
The last time you went to Walmart?
- Cashed a check about a week ago
The last person you told “Happy Birthday” to?
- Don’t remember
How old did you turn on your last birthday?
- 20
The last thing you bought?
- Alcohol
The last time you went to the doctor?
- September or October
The last person you dated?
- Matt
The last restaurant you went to?
- Drive thru
The last person’s house you went to?
- Don’t remember, everything happens at my place

***2008 General

What are you most looking forward to this year?
- Change back to my regular life
Will you turn 16 this year?
- Um no
Will you turn 18?
- Nah.
21?
- oh yeah!
40?
- Not yet
Are you getting married this year?
- That’s a laugh.
Are you going to become a parent this year?
- Hopefully not.
How about an aunt or an uncle?
- Hopefully so.
Will you be going to a new school this year?
- We’ll see
Will you be graduating high school or college?
- No.
Do you have any big vacation plans for this coming year?
- There’s a chance I may go to China and Tibet - which would be effin’ spectacular.
What movie are you most looking forward to coming out?
- None really.
What new music albumn?
- No clue
What book?
- Probably one of the ones mom gave me for Christmas
What game?
- Not sure
Are you moving this year?
- To Plano
Are you currently dating anyone?
- Hell no. Never, ever again. It’s all me now.
Did you make a NY’s resolution?
- Yes, a few
Have you broken it yet?
- Sorta
Did you kiss someone at midnight?
- Nope.
Who were you with?
- Friends
Did you watch the New Year’s day parade?
- Nope.
Do you know anyone getting married this year?
- Not as of yet
What time did you get up this morning?
- 1:00
What color shirt are you wearing?
- Green sweater
What do you most want to happen this year?
- The end of drama; I stop being so damn stupid

***2008 Firsts
Who was the first person you talked to?
- Don’t remember
Who did you first tell “I love you”?
- My sister, I think..
Who was the first person you called or who called you?
- My sis.
Where’s the first place you went?
- Some creep’s house
What was the first thing you ate?
- String cheese I think
The first thing you drank?
- Haha, what do you think?
The first green thing you saw?
- Wtf kind of question is that?
What was the first electronic device you used besides a computer or cell?
- Television…
What was the first movie you watched?
- The Reaping, I think
Who was the first person to wish you a “Happy New Year!”?
- Don’t remember
What was the first pair of shoes you wore?
- Some flip flop thingers that gave me a blister on the direct center bottom of my foot when I walked from the police station to my car
What was the first song you heard?
- Not sure
The first thing you saw on TV?
- Not Sure
The first thing you bought?
- Vitamen Water
Who was the first girl you hung out with?
- Britney and her sis that next afternoon
The first boy?
- Christoph, Jeremy and Britney’s bro
The first relative?
- None yet.
What was the first thing you did the moment it became 2008?
- Ran outside and screamed “Happy Fucking New Year”

I suppose this site has become more of a location to backup my files. I often find myself logging onto wordpress and typing up a post, but deciding against it because it’s not “good enough”.

I went to Hawaii for a week on a family vacation, it was amazing. I just wish I could drop everything here and start over in such a beautiful, wonderful place. It was such a marvellous escape (I am not exaggerating these words of astonishment - it’s literally a paradise island). It was the ultimate de-stressor. I most enjoyed hiking through the tropical forest, off the main path… through 3 feet of tall grass, through the rain, exploring the area with the false imagination that no man has stepped there before.

There was this one night we were driving back to our condo and my brother in-law nearly hit a feral pig. As soon as we got to the house I left in hopes of finding this pig, so off I go into the thick forest late at night, through intense fog and cold. It was such a creepy atmosphere but I loved it.
I never found the pig, but I think I heard him. It’s probably for the best, it could have been some nasty boar for all I knew.

This was up on a volcanic mountain on the Big Island, where it rained for 3 days solid. But we did spend the first half of the trip on the beaches of O’ahu. I had a great time there as well, but being on the sunny beach in a swimsuit isn’t quite my thing. Snorkelling was awesome, I couldn’t see a damn thing without my contacts or glasses on but I saw faint outlines of large tortoises and colourful fish.

Europe was better, but Hawaii is defiantly a place of ultimate relaxation. Even with my mother around bitching at me I still found time to wash away all my stress.

Oh, and jail was pretty shitty. They kept me in the booking area on a plastic chair for 50 hours. I lost my mind around 30, yelled at the idiot guards demanding why I had not been sent upstairs to a pod where I’d have myself a mat and bed. For those first 50 I got about 4 hours of sleep (because sleeping in a chair, when unable to put your feet up is near impossible). I literally felt drunk from the lack of sleep. So when they sent me upstairs I spent those final 22 hours mostly sleeping. That part wasn’t too bad, it almost felt like a vacation.
Except they just had to put me in a cell with some crackhead. God she was messed up. She told me all these stories about her life and I’m thinking to myself that all of this cannot be true, she messed herself up on drugs and most likely made these little adventures up in her head, and actually thinks they really did happen. Completely lost touch with reality. She even told me she’s had staph infections on her labia, which pretty much freaked me out.

So yeah, I still have island fever and would very much love to go back to Hawaii.

I’ve got millions of photos, which I’ll get on here one day. My shit Compaq isn’t booting up and that’s what I have my photo editing programs on… I really need to get Adobe on this Mac.