BethTrippin.com

I rarely get comments these days that don’t involve Viagra or Russian spam; but it’s been about 2 weeks since I last checked this shit and I actually had two that were made from humans. I emailed one of the gals back, and then there was this one that I find thoughtful. Thanks person whomever you are. You should leave me an email address or myspace url so I can get back to ya.

My damn Macbook had some kind of stroke and won’t turn on now.. well; she turns on but stays on this floresent blue screen and doesn’t boot-up from there. Fuck my life. I intend to take her to the apple store to find out exactly what’s going on, but I’m sure it will involve me spending a asscrap of money to fix. I’m worried that it could be the harddrive; I have all my music on my ipod (which I seriously need to backup NOW before that MF fails on me just as all electonics do) and many photos uploaded on this server - but there are still things on the comp that mean the world to me (such as numorous videos of my deceased friend). I just refuse to think about it because it makes me want to bomb apple inc.

I’ve also been partying moreso in Bedford; I ended up calling in sick for work one day and then not calling nor showing another day last week. That cannot happen again, I will loose my job and once more I’ll be in a world of depression self-hatred shit. I’m really back on the alcohol again, that too must stop. However, willpower is just some word I cannot fathom. Everyday I clock out at work and drive home I have the hardest time keeping my mind set on just going to the house and not pulling into a convience store to buy booze. 95% of the time I fail. 80% of that I end up drunk as shit and get 3 hours of sleep and somehow manage to make to work at 6am still drunk and hating it. It really has nothing to do with having fun anymore; but just this weird pull of having my mind someplace other then ‘normal’.

Well. It’s only up to me to do anything about it, yet here I am - have had 8 beers and gotta get up at 6am tomorrow. I’m not ‘drunk’, but am buzzing slightly. Oh fuckkkk.
Why me? Is there any REAL explanation for this? I got piss drunk last night, and 4 nights last week. Shouldn’t that be enough?! My sister and her bf even hide their beer in her car, which is fuckin pathetic. Sheesh.

As for the whole Bedford party-hardy times, I think those folks are all sick of me. I need to be caged.

Yeah, well. I must get some sleep.

I’m finally over Fallout 3. I’ve actually been falling asleep behind the controller while playing it. So now I have moved on - to Half-Life.
I’ve already played it but that was years ago, and now I remember how badass it is. I want a pet Head Crab. Dammit.

Work is taking over my life. But it’s still better then lying around hating myself and wasting my parents money. It’s great being able to pay my sis for housing and buy my own shit. It’s really taken a lot of guilt off my back and has made my life so much better.

…on here.

There isn’t much to talk about these days, I’m consumed with working and whenever I’m home I’m passed out by 9pm or playing video games.

I’m off sunday, so I’ll be able to go to a much anticipated show in Denton tomorrow night; the band headlining is Hellbasterd and they’re pretty awesome. There’s also a bunch of good local grind/crust bands playing as well.
I think I’m just excited about going to a show, it’s been about a month since I last went to one and I’m starting to get withdrawls.

The past two times I went out I just hung and got drunk with a small group of friends in Bedford. Fun times. Fun times. I’ve really been saving money by not going to bars, it makes a huge difference. Not to mention the fact I have a job and am putting in about 40 hrs a week. I pay my sister half my paycheck, but I’m still better on cash then I ever have been and knowing I earned it makes me feel pretty damn good.

As for the diet - eh. I’m not doing as good, I’m still keeping my calories under 1600 a day and I don’t drink anything other then water with lemons (but beer calls on occasions). Or well, hm.. I’m actually not doing anything wrong with it. I eat a multigrain turkey sandwich with no mayo at work, and at home I make sure to consume just low-cal stuff. I’ve also been doing good with not eating past 7pm.
Yesterday was a big no-no … I got a full rack of ribs from Chili’s and ate the ENTIRE thing. Eeeeek.

Also, something hilarious happened last weekend, I got a call from ‘it’ and I was drunk as shit and being a bitch to him. Haha; I’m sure I said a lot of dumbass things but hell, I don’t care. I’ll never see him again anyways, he’s on the otherside of the damn country. Good.

I just spent the last 3 god damn hours cleaning the fuck out of the ‘cat’ room and my bathroom; then organizing all the piles of shit on the floor of my room (which… is one hell of an effort…). I love my sister’s cats, but man… they cough up hairballs and puke all over my side of the house, and whenever their litterbox is full they shit and piss in my bathroom.
Although frustrating, smelly, and gross… they are very entertaining whenever I get up for work at 4am each morning. This must be the best ’spaz’ time for cats; they run in circles and are very vocal.

Cleaning would have gone by so much faster, except the vacuum isn’t working properly… there’s something wrong with the belt. So with that, I got on my hands and knees and tediously vacuumed the entire ‘cat’ room (around 15 ft x 15 ft) using the attached hose. It sucked (well, literally), and the heat coming out the vacuum just made it ridiculously hot and the damn thing kept falling on me whenever I pulled on the hose. I decided that I’d get to my room and the other parts of the house whenever the vacuum is fixed.

But, as a benefit for all that hard work, the carpet has never been cleaner. Focusing on it inch-for-inch really makes a difference.
—————————————

Also, today at work was pretty fun. There is this girl who works there, whom I really get along with; however she only only comes in on the weekends. I wish she’d work during the week too, she’s fuckin hilarious and really makes things more enjoyable. Pretty much everything we say to each other is random cracks on customers, stupid stories about and our love for alcohol, and how much we hate bagels (given - we work at a bagel shop were folks pay $2.00 for a bagel with shmear).

My feet have being killing me for weeks though, as because of work I am having to stand for 6 hours daily. It could be my shoes; they are Globes… that I bought many months ago (online) but found them too ugly to wear. They came in handy for work though, since they are solid black and that it part of the dress code. I had to sew the tongues down with a leather needle because they didn’t hug my feet properly and kept slipping off the back of my heel. I talked to another co-worker about my foot pain and she said it was normal, as hers hurt her for many weeks when she first started working at the store; so with her input I figure it is normal, and not caused by my footwear. This is the exact pair.

This is one randomized post, the reason for this is because I drank a Joose. For those who have no idea of this drink, it is a 9.9% alcohol malt liquor packed with caffeine, taurine and ginseng - and costs around $2.50 for 24oz. It’s not in many places, which is a good thing.. because if so I’m sure the fda would intervene (as they did with Sparks). It tastes like bum-piss but it’s worth it.
Although, it gives the most horrendous hangovers and constant consumption could probably do some hellish damage to your body.

Well, I’ll just shutup now.

I started working monday. All week I have been working 6am-noon (will do so tomorrow and friday as well). On this day, I talk to an old friend on myspace. There was a party, she invited me. I denied.. since my having to rise and shine at 4am to make it to my 6am shift.

So comes tuesday, and I get up quite easily and am actually looking forward to work, though wishing I could have attended that party. Later that day, another old friend texts me, saying his girlfriend is having a birthday party that night. AGAIN, I have to stay in because I had to work today at 6am.

Now I’m home, and got on myspace, and noticed a bulletin bout… guess what? THERE’S A PARTY TONIGHT.

GOD DAMMIT. I have work again, tomorrow morning at 6am (gotta get up at 4 once again). So I ain’t going.

What the hell? Every day that I have worked so far has had a nightly party. This rarely happens. It only had to because now that I finally got a job (that demands me waking up before the crack of dawn) everyone coincidentally is throwing parties, and all folks whom I haven’t seen in many months. AHH!

I could go out, but make sure I get my ass home by 11pm so I get enough sleep… but that’s impossible. I’m very familiar with myself when it comes to going out, once I have a beer, it leads to another, and another, and well… I’m pretty much incapable of moving the following day because of a hangover. With blending work with a social life I just cannot function, it’s either one or the other.
I’m just hoping I have the weekend off. There’s a big show friday night that I’ve been looking forward to for weeks. If I’m asked to come to work at 6am on saturday then I’ll have to miss it.

But it’s all worth it in the end, I really do enjoy work and makes me feel great about myself. Sure, customers are morons and piss me off (especially being in southlake - the richest town in the US), but it’s fun to be doing something productive.

I still can’t believe how people can enjoy bagels so damn much, I never really liked them in the first place.. and we have customers who come in everyday and get themselves the same ole bagel. First off - that must get boring, and it would be a lot cheaper just to buy them from the grocery store with your own cream cheese. I mean, we sell hundreds of them every morning. Boxes and boxes of bagels. Geez.
I try not to eat anything where I work though, it’s all very high in calories and I’m currently a damn manatee - if I ate the food they served here I’d be a whale within a month.

As stated previously, I like this job. I’m catching on pretty quick. One of the managers mentioned she’d start training me as cashier soon - which kind of bothers me. I’m just now getting my current position down and she already wants to stick me someplace new. What the hell. I like knowing my place and what I’m supposed to do, it keeps the customers happy and the line moving when I’m not asking for help when we’re in the middle of a rush. I hate seeing unsatisfied customers.

——————————————

AND I CAN’T STOP PLAYING FALLOUT 3.
I bought the Vault Boy bobblehead off ebay.. lol. I’m so obsessed with this game. I’m about halfway through level 19 and pretty much cleaned up on the main missions, I still have to complete the last one but I’ll get to that waaaay later once I’ve scavenged all of the Wasteland and side quests. Seriously, this game has become my life these past 2 months. I have no idea how many hours I’ve put into it but it’s quite a lot. Everything about it is perfect. I have my own separate life. I even have insane dreams just about every night based off of it.

Not to mention, I really enjoy hacking the computer terminals. I used to hate it, but after practicing I find it tons of a fun and a brain teaser.
I’ve pretty much played as a neutral character the whole time, never really doing anything extremely evil or super nice. I just steal a bunch of shit, so that’s pretty much the only thing bringing down my karma. Running around the wasteland shooting things and discovering new places is so damn fun.

I can’t wait to get the expansions. I don’t think I’ve had this much fun with a video game since Ocarina of Time (there’s been a lot since then, but as far as obsession). Oblivion is also a good game, but I really do enjoy Fallout a lot more - maybe because it is post-apocalyptic, and I love that kind of stuff.

FINALLY.

I start tomorrow. I don’t want to say where on here, just for privacy, but it’s a bagel/breakfast restaurant. I think it’ll be alright, it reminds me a Starbucks and that was a pretty cool job. It’s just that I might have to work early mornings… ick.

I also hung out with an old friend the other day and went to a rave. Sheesh, now I know why I haven’t been to one of those in about a year. Kids dressed up as idiots, with neon lights and geetered off their asses really makes me hate being a human and frightened about the future. So I drank, a bit too much… but it was the only way I was going to be able to tolerate anything. I probably made an ass of myself, but then.. everyone else was acting pretty stupid as well. The kids were nice at least, dumb.. but weren’t mean to me.

Even though I napped most of yesterday I managed to maintain my new ‘normal’ sleep schedule. I woke this morning around 9am. Now I need to go shopping for work clothes.

Megan wants a millionaire is fucking retarded, this is an insult to women everywhere and a total step back in feminism. Gosh. I think I’m the only girl in the world who demands to go dutch with a guy on everything.

I managed to go to sleep last night around 11, and woke this morning at 8.

YES EIGHT.

I never wake up around this time, unless I’ve been up all night in the first place.
AND I went for a 30 minute walk, haha.

I’m going to head over to a cosmetic store and apply, hopefully it’ll work out but there’s a big chance it won’t. I love makeup and think I’m fairly decent at it, but some of the girls at this store look like damn super models with clown faces. If I were to work there I don’t think I could just have days where I roll out of bed and put my hair up. Well… it’s still worth a shot, and it’s nothing near as bad as MAC stores or Sephora. And it’s a job.

And I dreamt that I went to a haunted house, found a hidden door and it took me to some weirdass opera house full of living dead people dressed up in 1700s style - big dresses, white wigs, etc. They locked me in a dungeon because I was still ‘alive’, and this is were things get hazy. There was some hot dude in it, looked like Brad Pitt from interview from a vampire crossed with some goth guy. I tried using my lucid dreaming to build a relationship with him, but I woke up before anything got going.

Uhm.. yeah. I don’t know where my fucking head goes when I sleep.

I want a job.

Poor website. Neglected. Over-looked. Hitless.

I went to Beaumont again, saw Devin’s friends’ band, Capital Scam for their last show of their tour. It was awesome. Beaumont is always awesome. Dallas/Fort Worth fucking sucks and I want out of here. There are too many goddamn closed minded snotty people who pretty much come off as prejudice towards me (or something, who knows… which makes no sense as I am probably the nicest person you’ll ever meet, confused - but am willing to please). But just as equally there are cool people. I guess I’ve just been through too much crap here and want to get away.

Well, people are people, and they are like that everywhere. I guess it gets more and more noticeable the longer you live in one area.

I’m also still jobless, and having one would make a massive positive impact on my life. I’d drink less, feel like I’m accomplishing something, and have some kind of schedule besides laying around all day hating myself. I’m pretty much on the verge of mental breakdown, or well… I’ve always felt like this. Why I haven’t shot myself yet is beyond me.

Maybe I ought to see a shrink in hopes to get some kind of anti-depressants. Sure, medication is never the right answer but I’ve been so bad off this past year that I’m sleeping around 14 hours a day and am pissed off whenever I wake up because I’m still fucking alive and in this same place. Willpower isn’t working.

I have another fucking interview tomorrow, this time at Walgreens to work at the cosmetic counter. Walmart didn’t work out, apparently my B misdemeanor pot possession from 3 years ago deemed me ‘unhirable’ (such bullshit, seriously - your telling me that EVERYONE who’s worked at Walmart has ONLY had traffic citations/offenses related to that class).
Walgreens will probably turn out the same, afterall, bigass corporations… (ugh don’t get me started on that). I think I’ll just try to be alittle more straight up in this interview rather then sugarcoating everything, since that hasn’t seemed to work.

I don’t pay bills, I have money. Not mine, but I have it. So for financial reasons - a job isn’t entirely needed. But, I’m borderline about to blow up this planet in anger and am drowning myself in a horrendous depression because I sit around all day and think too much about bullshit. I drink way to much, since I don’t have to get up and work the next day. I shower once a damn week because I simply feel no damn motivation to get off my ass and even go out…. because nobody is fucking hiring me and I’m not accomplishing anything, being an overall failure. A job is important for my mental state. Very.

And once I do find work (most likely in post-apocalyptic times if I survive) I am going to save up and move the fuck out of here and get a place with Devin in Austin or in the near-area. We choose Austin because a.) people there are great and much more accepting b.) there is a bus system for him c.) We’re already friends with many folks down there (well, he is.. but I’m well acquainted) d.) Being in a ‘happy’ environment will keep me sane, thus functioning.

Devin and I have been together for 9 fucking months but not with our own place, and having to deal with the 250 miles between us. I’m hating it. I’ve had to get in my car, say bye to him, and drive away about 7 times now.. leaving him at places not even he can stay at. His situation is even worse then mine, since nobody can let him stay with them and he’s out in the middle of nowhere. How he can get a job that’s in bumfuck africa without a home is near impossible.

However, there are a few things about Austin that has me worried. a.) If things DID go downhill (financially/emotionally/achoholically/any other kind of ally) I’d go crazy. Probably move back in with my parents and possibly finally work up the guts to kill myself b.) There are many good people there, who enjoy hanging out often - If I’m going to hang out with anyone I will have to work on my drinking by not doing it unless there’s a show or party or something. Hanging out and NOT having a beer in my hand is a massive battle I’ll have to deal with. People make me nervous. Beer numbs nervousness. I have to learn to get over that. c.) The last time I lived with a boyfriend it damn near ruined my life, of course, Devin is very much different from that last psycho… but I still worry about things going the complete opposite of what is planned.

Well, that’s the bottom line - fear of the unknown. Always plaguing me.

And a change of topic, before I start breaking something or crying…
I’m going to start eating right and working out. I have not weighed myself in months, but I’m damn sure it’s nearing 190 lbs. My pants do not fit anymore. I need to go out and buy more, but I hate, hate hate absolutely hate shopping. So instead I don’t wash them, so they remain stretched out. I don’t wear my modified tank top band shirts anymore because they too hardly fit and I feel uber-huge having my shoulders and upper arms showing.
Plus, getting off my ass and exercising will make me feel overall better about myself, and increase my energy. If I could channel all my stress and sadness into running around the neighborhood again, that would be much better then eating fried chicken and playing PS3.
I’ve done it before, can do it again. I have lost around 20 lbs by eating right and jogging back in late 2007 early 2008, but it took about 6 fucking months to do so. I’ve gained all that back and then some because I did not stick to it. But I know it is possible, and it wasn’t entirely as dreadful as most think it to be. The hard part will be the first 2 weeks or so, since I’m so damn out of shape.
I’ve also craiglisted stationary bikes and intend to buy one, that way I could stick it in front of the television and sit there drilling myself in my bedroom.

It’s so damn unfair that my metabolism is slow as fuck. If I ate like a normal person I still gain weight, so I just need to do extra. I know it is society that makes us believe we’re supposed to look a certain way that’s unrealistic, and I’ve had so many men tell me not to worry and that I’m fine. But seriously they’re full of shit. I’m 5′8″ and yes, I wouldn’t mind being 120 lbs - which is sickly, but seriously, it would be nice to be a size 2. But it ain’t going to happen unless I run daily marathons and go on an all-out cocaine binge. I’m just going to eat right, work out, and not aim for a specific number or size but just see how much lard I can loose in healthy method.

Well, that was a large post - and what’s surprising about it is that I’m 100% sober. This is probably the first post I’ve made that’s over a paragraph and I’m not in a drunken ramble.

Oh and by the way, I bought Grand Theft Auto 4 and Resistance and both are badass. Resistance is beginning to scare the crap out of me.

Mom bought me a PS3!

So here I am bitching about all these traffic citations and not being to pay them off and I get a PS3; oh my priorities are so jacked up. But look at it this way - the PS3 has caused me to stay home; basically becoming a full blown hermit. I’m less likely to get picked up by the cops if I stay in, right?

I quite literally have not left the house in DAYS. I bought Tomb Raider: Underworld and I’m pathetically addicted. And it’s only gonna get worse - I ordered Oblivion off of Amazon for $20 and it should be in any day now. I can see myself being massively obsessed with it.

The graphics are AMAZING. I guess after playing my PS2 for so many years, and not seeing much of a PS3 has made me not realize how damn advanced things are with gaming.

I’m also starting a diet thing I kind of came up with. It works.
I eat the right amount of calories in the day - 2,000 or so (I try to make a guess at how much I’ve consumed) and by the end of the day if I’m craving for munchies or another sandwich, I chug as much water as possible. It makes my stomach feel full, and water is good. I sure been pissing a lot, even waking up at night to make a trip to the bathroom. But it keeps me from over-eating and I already feel better. They say your supposed to drink asstons of water every day and now I understand that it actually helps.

I’ve also cut sodas and fast food out entirely, and the alcohol intake has slowed down quite a bit (though I drank a 6-pack last night). A lot has to do with the PS3, instead of being bored and getting drunk every night, I’m kept entertained.

Of course I’ve done all this before. It’ll last a couple weeks and then I’ll go back to bad habits. It’s like a damn rotation beyond my control.

As for that Walmart interview, I’m quite sure I got the job. The problem is I had to have a drug test. And it’s just my luck to have to have it when I hardly EVER smoke weed anymore, but I had a hit a couple days previous to the test. Wtf. We’ll have to see how that goes. Ughhhh…

I also cut my bangs. A bit too short. It’s hard to straighten them, I’ve already burned my forehead and fingers multiple times. Well, it will grow back. And no matter what it’s better then before, since they were in my face and annoying as all hell.

… at Walmart. I’m officially lame. But whatever, it’s a fucking job and I’ll take anything right now. My ultimate last resort would be anything as far as fast food, because working in that area would pose a health risk as I would eat everything.

If I don’t get hired at fucking Walmart, of all places, I should really just consider moving to a different country.

A couple shots before the interview could help, at least that way I would not be nervous and have plenty of confidence. Haha (NO, I’m not going to do that).

I hate that Devin lives 300 miles away. Why can’t I just find a fucking job, get my shit together, my own place… and have him stay with me; like a normal couple.

Oh wait … NOBODIES HIRING ME. I’m going to my next interview tipsey (no - not really, but it’s crossed my mind).

Fuck the world. I hope the apocalypse hurries the fuck up and I’m standing right in the path of it. Fuck everyone. This is a big shithole where only the selfish survive.

So I have an interview tomorrow. Another. I swear, if I don’t get hired - I’ll just become a traveler (well, not really… but that would sure be an experience).

Seriously. Petco didn’t hire me - even with an entirely open schedule. Hot topic wouldn’t either (guess I didn’t have enough accessories on my clothes). I know it’s because I’m terrible with interviews. I can’t lie worth a damn, fidget, and suck at eye contact. Which is usual for me even in regular conversation. I also guess that being a 2 time college drop out doesn’t help either.

It’s very easy for me to get discouraged. With jobs, everything.

I’m already a nervous wreck about tomorrow.

For - of all places - Hot Topic. HAHA.

They should hire me, I know quite a lot about a broad range of music - I can go on for hours about industrial and I’m also a big fan of punk. The problem is I don’t know jack shit about all the crappy popular bands most kids are into these days. Play me a fall out boy song and I’ll think it’s panic at the disco or some lame band of that relation. I’m also sure my style of dress should earn my right of passage - I don’t have shittons of mainstream accessories but hopefully they’ll see past that.
I really want to work there, it would be a fun environment, I love music, and above all I could wear my piercings and whatever the fuck I want.
Problem is, I’m horrendous at interviews - I can’t sell myself worth a damn; I sweat, get red, tremble, stutter, and usually say something stupid that ruins the whole thing. If I don’t get hired here I’m going to drive into oncoming traffic. I also really despise Hot Topic and never buy anything from there, but I know all the brands they carry. Trip pants are my favorite.

We’ll see. I hope to gosh this works out.

My sister told me there’s a mouse living in the garage. I went out to have a cigarette, sitting on some boxes and being very quiet and still in hopes that he’d come out of hiding. He did. The little guy ran across the area about 6 feet in front of me - under the car, to the otherside. Then once again when I was heading to go inside. Awwww… it was a little brown field mouse, looked to be full-grown. He’s probably just wants to get out of the cold.

We decided to name him George Bush; being that he likes taking over other peoples’ areas.

And I’m really missing Devin, it seems to be getting worse each day. Blah. I wish I could shrink him down and put him in my pocket

Worked yesterday, and it was a complete nightmare. I was literally baffled by the disrespect some customers have towards a restaurant. I mean - they leave their tables filthy. They leave the floors filthy. The bathrooms get filthy. Everything.

I was so busy working the cash register, making smoothies, and pouring soups…. and customers kept coming in, non-stop. I somehow managed to walk out where the customers eat, and dear god… there was so much trash and food on the floor and tables. None of the other employees were cleaning any of it, and being a cashier it was not part of my station. But I couldn’t just sit back and watch the place get trashed. There was another cashier, but she wasn’t at the station half the time. In fact, I didn’t see her anywhere whenever she disappeared. She could have been doing something work related… I’d like to think, because it would piss me off if she was goofing around while I was the one sweating my ass off running around.

Whenever she did show up, I’d leave her on her register and grab the broom and start sweeping. There were fucking smashed sandwiches on the floor, which I don’t understand why someone would drop a sandwich, leave it, and not tell the staff to clean it up. It’s not like they have to be the ones to clean it. Why would someone drop napkins, condiment containers, etc, on the floor, and just leave it? I know when I eat out, if I drop something on the floor, I’D PICK IT UP. I mean - perhaps it was children… but why would a parent not scold them and make them pick up after themselves? Perhaps it was young children, unable to comprehend the meaning of dropping something, then why didn’t the parents pick up after them?

Are people really that lazy? It’s scary thinking that they could be. I mean - sure, they provide job security for minimum wagers, but STILL. It’s so pitiful to think, that someone is too damn lazy to pick up something off the floor. Perhaps they thought it was the restaurant’s job to clean up after them, but that’s just complete disrespect.

And what really set me off was when I took out the trash - there are two bins. TWO. So I took them out one at a time, so customers could simply walk 20 feet to the other to deposit their trash while one was being taken care of. BUT NO. They have to throw their trash on the floor WHERE THE ABSENT BIN WAS LOCATED . What the F?!!!! WHAT THE F?!

Another thing - whenever I was back at the register the phone would ring, and ring, and ring… ring ring ring…. and after a while I realized that nobody was answering it, and our store takes phone orders - so it was more customers. So I started answering it, although I’ve never been taught how to take down phone orders. So I copied what the other employees would do, and use a bit of common sense. I’d take the order sheets and write down everything - right? Makes sense, don’t ya think?

BUT NO. Apparently we do that, AND write orders on the actual sandwich bags, and set these bags out for the makers to see.
So I get scolded for it, because I did not write the bags out… so the sandwiches never got made and the customers who made the order for a particular time never had their food prepared. I was never taught how to take phone orders!!! AND NOBODY IS ANSWERING THE DAMN PHONE!!! So, being a person who wants shit to get done, I took the orders and tried to figure it out myself BECAUSE NOBODY ELSE WAS ANSWERING THE DAMN PHONE!

I was so close to ripping my apron off and just leaving, because it seemed like I was the only one putting effort into my work.. I mean, I literally had sweat dripping off my nose and my head was so sweaty and itching under my hat. The customers would come up to me and being taken aback by what they saw - I girl as red as a tomato, sweaty, panting, and completely overwhelmed. I could tell by the way they’d ask me a question, or come up to the register, and I’d face them and they’d kind of go silent and stare at me like I was some kind of horrorshow (which I’m sure I was). I had a couple tips but being that we don’t take tips, I turned them down. It’s hard to not say thanks and pocket it, but it’s against store policy.

And then, we had a customer ask about the store’s history towards a girl who has been working there for 6 months. She just shrugged, and I came up behind her and told the customer about the meaning behind the title of the company, where we originated, our growth, and locations in the area. And this customer asks me how long I’ve been working here, and I told him, a week and a half. Then he asks this other girl the same question and she says 6 months… then he turns towards me with this smile and tells me to have a nice day and that he loved his sandwich.

And ontop of all that, they kept me another 45 minutes past my shift, and the manager wasn’t around the entire time to see how I was busting my ass… so the selfish side of me thinks that I did it all for nothing.

However, I did not take off because I seriously do enjoy this job, and this is an awesome company to be a part of. I will not risk any stupid act to loose this, and being that I was job searching for 2 months I will never take advantage of where I work. I plan to do the best I could, and even better. I want to move up in this company, it’s such a fantastic job.

But man, I was so frustrated… it was over 24 hours ago and I’m still frustrated just thinking about all that.