BethTrippin.com

Back from Colorado, we spent about 2 months there and it was plenty of fun. But just as all other locations, things got pretty boring and dramatic.

There’s a lot of ridiculusly humourous stories I’ve collected whilst being in Colorado, I wouldn’t even know where to begin if I were to tell them. I spent most of my time there camping in the mountains up in Nederland, the park in Boulder (which was better then comedy central and cartoon network combined, though sometimes got pretty stupid with all the locals and traveling kids being crazy drunks). Often I just found random sleeping spots when I didn’t work up enough money for gas to get to anywhere… but always was with newfound friends and stuck around different crews. We also spent some time in Denver.. which SUCKED.

One thing is my current health condition… it was about 1 week into Colorado that I woke early morning after a night of drinking MD 20/20 with this horrible pain in my abdomin. It was most extreme in the center, right below my ribcage. I tried to battle it out but about an hour into it I started puking bile, and I mean LOTS of it. I asked my buddies for a ride to the hospital - so off I go… I’m hoping it’s some kind of stomach flu but I know it is not, the pain is so unbearable. I’ve never felt such in my life.

I get to the hospital, they give a dihydromorphine drip (mmhmm, however the pain at that point was so bad nothing seemed to help), run a series of tests such as an ultrasound, catscans, etc… and then tell me I have some shit called pancreatitis. Apparently I’ve drank my pancreas to it’s breaking point.

I spend a week in the hospital, bombarded with social workers, religious AA chapmans.. even my parents found out and show up and pull an intervention on my ass. Being in such pain in the hospital is the last place for all this self-reflection bullshit.

A week later I’m out, I manage to not touch beer or anything for another 2 weeks or so, but eventually I fuck up again and go on a 3 day rum binge and end up back in the hospital… same shit goes down. This time I left early against their orders, on July 13th - my 23rd birthday. The following week was hell, being on the streets in massive pain is NOT fun.
Though, in the end of all that I consider myself lucky, it takes some kind of wake-up call to make one realize that we’re not invincible. It could have been worse, I could have been killed or accidently killed an innocent.

Needless to say, I’m still drinking.. about half the past amount but it’s very hard to not get back to that point. I don’t drink enough to withdrawl, so I’m able to make it through a day without a drink. But hell, I’ll figure it out at somepoint.

Also, I got a rat. I’ve currently had him for about 2 months and named him Ned after the town Nederland. He’s still a baby, and pretty much with me 24/7. Click on photo for full size.

He’s become very special to me, who would have thought one could get separation anxiety from a rat?Here’s a current photo from about a week ago, we’re currently back in El Paso where I’m visiting my parents and getting some much-needed shit taken care of. From left to right, old high school friends Josh and Nica. Then myself and my boyfriend Harvey.

Then a ridiculus busted-ass photo of a drunk chick..

Yep.
Next plan - Tennesse, then the east coast. I’m really hoping for Virginia.

Well….

 I’m drunk; which is a common situation for me. I cannot begin to explain how pathetic and alcoholic I am. I finally am able to find a computer and be capable to upload 426 photos on mymyspace (which took bout 2 hours). I now am capable of being able to update this lameass ‘blog’… I’m just using this fuckin domain to back-up photos (and so forth); I keep saying that I will one day get off my arse and make something of this… however it’s a bit complicated with my lifestyle.

We are heading to Colorado; bout 3 weeks behind ’schedule’; however I have found so many buddies in the process. Currently I’m pretty much homeless - I have the option to live with my sister again; however - last time I did that I held a job and it went to shit… I cannot handle working 9am-5pm …

 I’m actually enjoyin my life at the moment; I found family. We are to head to Colorado tomorrow. I met fellow whom is a tattoo artist; he has already done some badass work on me.

Well… I’ll keep everyone posted.

Oh and my hair is dreading; I have been neglecting it for weeks and now; well… I think it looks prettty damn good.

Hi.

Headin to colorado.

I figure I’m in due time to update this lameass blog.

I’m still in Austin Texas; whether it is a mental breakdown that keeps me away from Dallas -  I am not sure - but I have a bad habit of leaving homebase for several months and fucking off and drinking…. or well, I still drank my ass off whilst living in Dallas/Fort Worth…. I just enjoy meeting new folks in new environments.

I intend to head to Colorado soon; we plan to rubbertramp our asses up there since I crave seeing mountains again; and moreso seeing new people. It’s already here, in Austin Texas that I have met so many awesome folks that I do not want to leave, though I want to have some kind of change of environment - I guess I cannot find myself properly and choose to drink and run away from everything. I cannot explain this certain breaking point; however alcohol is a huge influence. I often wish I could just be normal.

The past week I’ve been going through problems with my innerds - I might only be 22 but I’ve been drinking for many years and perhaps it is finally catching up with me.  I don’t keep track of how much I drink; as after 10 beers I binge. My buddy hooked me up with antibiotics… I think I have a kidney infection. I’ve had bladder and urinary infections, but this is different. My back hurts like a motherfuck and peeing is hell. I find myself waking up every hour of the night in pain and I feel that my body is near bout to explode.

I need to slow down.

As I type this at this moment I am sucking on my beautiful bottle of Old Crow.

Is this a demise of Beth? Or simple a quarter-life crisis?

I cannot foretell the future; I understand I am immature and irresponsible - but I’m one lost individual and I choose to drink my ass off to escape how much I have fucked up. Alcohol is the solution yet the cause of all problems.

I enjoy those I currently am around; I feel that I have folks who enjoy my company… and the reason for that is that I just want to be liked. All humans want to be liked.

I met this swell felllow; Harvey ; he’s a very talented tattoo artist. He did a piece of one of my ferrets on my calf. We’ve been hanging out for weeks now; living together with other buddies.
New places. New faces; I love it. I enjoy meeting new folks.

Well, I’m getting drunker as I get further into this blog, so I must quit typing.

Well I pretty much have been in this city for about 6 weeks. Don’t ever want to go back to dallas/fort worth. People here are so swell and non-judgmental; I live in a one bedroom apartment with 5 people (or 6, but one of which isn’t always there).  We literally call ourselves a family and I feel awkward when we are all separated. I honestly do feel accepted,and it’s a great feeling.

There’s a big chance I might up and leave and go traveling, I really don’t know what’s going on my life right now.

I also need to get rid of this dumbass site because I’ve really lost inspiration to blog; it makes me out to be such a whiny bitch.

I just love it how I can get over 100 comments on a single post that are all spams for viagra.

I’m finally going home, it has been over a year since I’ve last been there and feels much longer. I just cannot wait to see all my old friends; it’s nice seeing my parents too.. sort of. Though they do a damn good job at making me feel like shit.

I also got an email from this website’s hosting server and there is going to be a dns change. This presents a problem.
The laptop I had all my domain information was stolen about 3 years ago, so I can’t remember where I registered this domain, or any information (password, username, etc).
Possibly when they make the change this site will just redirect to my registrar, but then.. I’m not sure.
The switch will be tomorrow, so expect this place to offline for a minute.

Work has been pissing me off lately. Customers are complete idiots, and one of the shift-leads really gets under my skin and makes me want to go crazy. She’s demanding as fuck, has the loudest Starbuckslike voice and comes off as really fake. She tells me what to do, which I’m totally fine with (being that I’m under her) but it’s just constant. She asks me to sweep; which I already know do WITHOUT someone telling me too, and the second I’m done she tells me to take out the trash, and so forth. Really, I’m not an idiot. I know what needs to be done. It’s only when it is something new I’ll have to be told to do it, and even then I can figure it out on my own. She also apologizes to me about 3 times a day for her bitching, and the first few days it was alright but now I’m tired of it.. seriously, I don’t believe in apologizes if they are constantly being made.
But it’s not making me want to quit or anything, it just gets annoying. This place is so scattered, but I guess it’s normal for anyone who has ever worked at a starbucks to think all other places are messy.

I got off pretty early - around noon, came home and took a 6 hour nap. So now it’s 1:11am and I’m up, argh. I hate it when I’m up past 11:00 now.
And I did pretty shitty today as far as my diet. I stuck to all the low-cal low-fat stuff but ended up eating ALOT of it. Dammit. Now I just feel like shit and bloated.
I’ve also been fucking up lately with alcohol. Dammit. Dammit Dammit. I thought I was over all that.. I ended up having a few on sunday and was hungover as shit when I went to work the next morning. And then I had a bunch last night.. I went by a friend’s house and she had some vodka and a beer. She offered. I hesitated but gave in. This turned into me buying a 6 pack and knocking those back once I got back to my house. So again, I was hungover as shit when I got to work, and I was also 20 minutes late. I called to tell them I was going to be late but that bitch of a coworker got on the phone, I told her and she just hung up on me (UGH).

I don’t get it. I go on a diet, get positive about myself; only to go back to my drunken fatty ways. It seems to go in about 3 month intervals. And this bullshit has been going on for years, I’m so tired of it. What’s wrong with me?

I’m excited about visiting home but at the same time I am scared. I hate that I know that I cannot control myself. Willpower has left the building once I have a single beer, and my social anxieties make it damn near impossible to not drink when I’m hanging out with people.

I just took a 2 hour nap and dreamt I was surfing on a mountain of bagels and my boss was trying to get me arrested for it. The cop was ridiculously hot too.

Hm. Well, I don’t make any sense of that.

I’m going to stop by some computer store and see if they sell left and right click mice for macs. As stated in yesterdays post, I want to get back into graphic design but that’s near impossible with a touch pad. I also need to find a free version of Adobe Photoshop, I hope with a bunch of digging on the internet I can find something; who cares if it’s version 4.0.
I have photoshop on my other windows laptop, but that computer has smoked too many spliffs or something because it’s ridiculously slow and half the keyboard doesn’t work. Plus - it’s annoying as all hell to create designs on there, then have to transfer them to my mac (because I can’t get the damn internet working on it, and I’d like to have all my files organized on one comp).
In fact, I’m also having problems with my keys sticking on this mac as well. You folks might notice my spelling is off these days but that’s because of this.

I’m off tomorrow (YAY) but gotta go in sunday (BOO) so I’m going out tonight to a grind show. I have not been drunk in 7 days (a record) so I’m totally drinking it up tonight. I’ll take $30 with me and leave all the debit cards at home so I don’t end up spending everything and getting completely hammered. This is what all problem drinkers should do, and totally works for me. Just as long as people don’t offer to buy drinks for me, or I don’t ask them too (yes, I’ve asked before whilst belligerent and got what I wanted). I also ate light today so that- along with the beer, I won’t consume a massive amount of calories. Eating over a thousand calories and then going out for a night of drinking and having around 10 beers is BAAAD.

I dug up some old posts from years ago. It’s always so depressing to read the things I wrote back when I was a kid.. I stil never really read any of my old journals anymore. It just makes me feel like crap.

I found a survey I took back in september of 01′ (must have been around 13 or 14 years old).
1.) Name one person you regret dating.
Derrek, he has messed up my mind. Now I rather not have another relationship
Looking back, Derrek didn’t do a damn thing to me.
2.) Name one person you can do without in your life.
Derrek
3.) Name one person of the same sex that you would kiss if you were unattached.
huh?
4.) Name one celebrity star that you find hot.
Heath Ledger, Josh Hartnett, Mark McGrath
HAHA! I can’t believe I put Mark McGrath on there, and it’s funny that I’m STILL obsessed with Heath Ledger
5.) Name one LJer that you find hot.
What is an LJer?
6.) Name one city that you find most appealing.
Parker, Colorado. It’s total horse country and it’s so green
7.) Favorite piece of jewelry?
turquiose necklace from Grandma
Lost it YEARS ago.
8.) Favorite piece of clothing?
(Jeans and A 80s cartoon T-shirt (Rainbow brite, My Little Pony, Etc..)
That was all I wore when I was that age
9.) Favorite place to be?
at the stables with my horse, or at home
That’s depressing as all hell, since I have not had horses in about 2 years now. All my fault, and not a day goes by that I wish I could just ride again.
10.) Favorite person to be with?
my horse (he is considered a person to me)
11.) What’s one regret that you have in life?
I can’t think of any right now..
That’s because I didn’t have any regrets back then
12.) Name one part of your body that you dislike most.
my skin
That’s no longer a problem. The teenage acne is mostly gone now, heh. Now I’m just fat!
13.) Name one part of your body that you love most.
my eyes
14.) What’s one thing you would like to do before you die?
Travel to beautiful places
One can never do enough traveling, but I did quite a bit and I do say I have now been to gorgeous countries
15.) What’s one thing you enjoy doing during your free time?
Working on my site, or riding
Nowadays - it’s drinking with friends or playing video games. I’ve gone from being a productive person to a lazy drunk.
16.) Which one person you’d like to meet (celebrity or not).
Heath Ledger
17.) Which one thing that you like to own someday.
Hanavarion Warmblood
Well, that happened, but I screwed it up.
18.) Which one goal that you’d like to achieve.
Make it far in my riding, like going to the Olympics
Ok I just want to cry now
19.) What’s your most favorite memory?
Galloping Synder through the alfafa feilds, with my old friends
Still my all time favorite memory
20.) What’s one memory that you would like to erase?
Agreeing to go out with Derrek
Wow I can’t believe I had such a problem with that guy, he did nothing wrong to me!

January 2002…
I made 2 new friends today! yay!!! One of them is this gothic chic and she’s awesome. I like gothic people, and heavy rocker people. They are cool. And I met a good friend of Brian’s, his name is Christian and we talked about video games and NIN in class today. He is such a sweetie!! omg!! He is just sooooo nice!

I hate posers. I cannot stand them, I’ve had enough of them. Roybn wore a punk outfit today - which is odd because she’s a teenbopper prep thing. Punk isn’t a fashion.. it’s in your blood. Fucking moron. As my best friend Andrea says, your only punk when monkeys start flying out of my butthole
*inside joke* lol!

——————————-

Haha! Wow.

I wish I had a my graphics I used to make for my past websites. I never backed them up, and when Matt stole my laptop a couple years back I lost everything. I ony wish I had them for memory sake, and I would like to have been able to improve them.
I’m really considering getting back into design, and redoing this page to make it more like what my sites once were. It’s just that I have forgotten so much as far as html, php, and photoshop… it’s probably been around 3 years since I last experimented with any of it.
Hm.. Well folks. I think it’s about time for me to step it up, I’m sure I still have some creativity hidden somewhere in my head.

I started working monday. All week I have been working 6am-noon (will do so tomorrow and friday as well). On this day, I talk to an old friend on myspace. There was a party, she invited me. I denied.. since my having to rise and shine at 4am to make it to my 6am shift.

So comes tuesday, and I get up quite easily and am actually looking forward to work, though wishing I could have attended that party. Later that day, another old friend texts me, saying his girlfriend is having a birthday party that night. AGAIN, I have to stay in because I had to work today at 6am.

Now I’m home, and got on myspace, and noticed a bulletin bout… guess what? THERE’S A PARTY TONIGHT.

GOD DAMMIT. I have work again, tomorrow morning at 6am (gotta get up at 4 once again). So I ain’t going.

What the hell? Every day that I have worked so far has had a nightly party. This rarely happens. It only had to because now that I finally got a job (that demands me waking up before the crack of dawn) everyone coincidentally is throwing parties, and all folks whom I haven’t seen in many months. AHH!

I could go out, but make sure I get my ass home by 11pm so I get enough sleep… but that’s impossible. I’m very familiar with myself when it comes to going out, once I have a beer, it leads to another, and another, and well… I’m pretty much incapable of moving the following day because of a hangover. With blending work with a social life I just cannot function, it’s either one or the other.
I’m just hoping I have the weekend off. There’s a big show friday night that I’ve been looking forward to for weeks. If I’m asked to come to work at 6am on saturday then I’ll have to miss it.

But it’s all worth it in the end, I really do enjoy work and makes me feel great about myself. Sure, customers are morons and piss me off (especially being in southlake - the richest town in the US), but it’s fun to be doing something productive.

I still can’t believe how people can enjoy bagels so damn much, I never really liked them in the first place.. and we have customers who come in everyday and get themselves the same ole bagel. First off - that must get boring, and it would be a lot cheaper just to buy them from the grocery store with your own cream cheese. I mean, we sell hundreds of them every morning. Boxes and boxes of bagels. Geez.
I try not to eat anything where I work though, it’s all very high in calories and I’m currently a damn manatee - if I ate the food they served here I’d be a whale within a month.

As stated previously, I like this job. I’m catching on pretty quick. One of the managers mentioned she’d start training me as cashier soon - which kind of bothers me. I’m just now getting my current position down and she already wants to stick me someplace new. What the hell. I like knowing my place and what I’m supposed to do, it keeps the customers happy and the line moving when I’m not asking for help when we’re in the middle of a rush. I hate seeing unsatisfied customers.

——————————————

AND I CAN’T STOP PLAYING FALLOUT 3.
I bought the Vault Boy bobblehead off ebay.. lol. I’m so obsessed with this game. I’m about halfway through level 19 and pretty much cleaned up on the main missions, I still have to complete the last one but I’ll get to that waaaay later once I’ve scavenged all of the Wasteland and side quests. Seriously, this game has become my life these past 2 months. I have no idea how many hours I’ve put into it but it’s quite a lot. Everything about it is perfect. I have my own separate life. I even have insane dreams just about every night based off of it.

Not to mention, I really enjoy hacking the computer terminals. I used to hate it, but after practicing I find it tons of a fun and a brain teaser.
I’ve pretty much played as a neutral character the whole time, never really doing anything extremely evil or super nice. I just steal a bunch of shit, so that’s pretty much the only thing bringing down my karma. Running around the wasteland shooting things and discovering new places is so damn fun.

I can’t wait to get the expansions. I don’t think I’ve had this much fun with a video game since Ocarina of Time (there’s been a lot since then, but as far as obsession). Oblivion is also a good game, but I really do enjoy Fallout a lot more - maybe because it is post-apocalyptic, and I love that kind of stuff.

FINALLY.

I start tomorrow. I don’t want to say where on here, just for privacy, but it’s a bagel/breakfast restaurant. I think it’ll be alright, it reminds me a Starbucks and that was a pretty cool job. It’s just that I might have to work early mornings… ick.

I also hung out with an old friend the other day and went to a rave. Sheesh, now I know why I haven’t been to one of those in about a year. Kids dressed up as idiots, with neon lights and geetered off their asses really makes me hate being a human and frightened about the future. So I drank, a bit too much… but it was the only way I was going to be able to tolerate anything. I probably made an ass of myself, but then.. everyone else was acting pretty stupid as well. The kids were nice at least, dumb.. but weren’t mean to me.

Even though I napped most of yesterday I managed to maintain my new ‘normal’ sleep schedule. I woke this morning around 9am. Now I need to go shopping for work clothes.

Megan wants a millionaire is fucking retarded, this is an insult to women everywhere and a total step back in feminism. Gosh. I think I’m the only girl in the world who demands to go dutch with a guy on everything.

Because of Maynard’s insane weight gain, I decided to switch food. I found this useful ferret nutrient chart and determined that the 8-in-1 Ultimate is the best food for them, and petsmart had it. It’s got 45% protein, which I think is the highest of all ferret food. I went a head and mixed it with their current stuff, to avoid upset tummies, and with time they’ll just eat that. Hopefully it’ll help Maynard loose weight and Indica gain some. Plus - I think it’ll make them feel better, since it’s more to their needs.

Speaking of food, I’ve been on a damn diet (for the 837785 time in my life) for the past several days. So far, it’s going good. I’ve actually managed to keep my intake under 1600 calories a day. I bought whole wheat spaghetti and shrimp, which I’ll make tomorrow night. I must be doing it right, because I don’t feel hungry. If I feel like munchies then I eat nuts.

And now, back to Fallout 3…
(the GREATEST game ever made)

I managed to go to sleep last night around 11, and woke this morning at 8.

YES EIGHT.

I never wake up around this time, unless I’ve been up all night in the first place.
AND I went for a 30 minute walk, haha.

I’m going to head over to a cosmetic store and apply, hopefully it’ll work out but there’s a big chance it won’t. I love makeup and think I’m fairly decent at it, but some of the girls at this store look like damn super models with clown faces. If I were to work there I don’t think I could just have days where I roll out of bed and put my hair up. Well… it’s still worth a shot, and it’s nothing near as bad as MAC stores or Sephora. And it’s a job.

And I dreamt that I went to a haunted house, found a hidden door and it took me to some weirdass opera house full of living dead people dressed up in 1700s style - big dresses, white wigs, etc. They locked me in a dungeon because I was still ‘alive’, and this is were things get hazy. There was some hot dude in it, looked like Brad Pitt from interview from a vampire crossed with some goth guy. I tried using my lucid dreaming to build a relationship with him, but I woke up before anything got going.

Uhm.. yeah. I don’t know where my fucking head goes when I sleep.

… Until I’ve been up an entire 24 hours. UGH.

I went to bed yesterday around noon, then woke sometime by 9pm. I’m sick of this. I done, I can’t have it - it’s making me unable to function as a human being and it’s only further making me want to kill myself.

So today, I decided to pull an all-nighter (or rather, an all dayer) in an effort to get my sleeping schedule back on track. I stayed up the whole night, then around 8am… did the dishes, cleaned the ferret cage, bought hair dye… did my hair (it’s now a dark brown, almost back - but not quite - looks pretty good actually). Then made up my face and went job hunting and bothering the places I’ve already applied at.
I applied at another store, and have an interview this friday. I’m not going to get all positive, since I have before and been shot down so many damn times. But it seems to be looking up.
Maybe having natural color hair helps a lot, but previously it wasn’t anything outrageous - just black and blonde. Wtf folks.

I had coffee around noon and then an energy drink - and I feel SHIT. I’m trying to stay up as late as 10, then hopefully go to sleep and wake in the morning, and try my damn hardest to maintain a sane schedule.
I should have never had that energy drink, or coffee even - I don’t know what the deal is with these drinks but they make me feel like hell. I’m jittery and delusional.

But overall, I’m proud of myself. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I haven’t been in the sun for WEEKS, or finally had a shower and put on makeup, but most likely… it’s because I actually got off my ass today.
I know this is something so simplistic for most people, but to me it’s a damn miracle. For the past 2 years all I’ve ever thought of my future was just to lay in bed and rot, and perhaps someone would smell death and find a decomposed corpse.

Am I finally changing?

I hope this isn’t just a phase, I hope I don’t go back to my old ways…

—————————–

And my ferret, Maynard is getting HUGE. I let them out every day and play with them, but somehow, he just keeps getting fatter. I hope it isn’t a thyroid problem, I put him on ‘diet ferret food’ (yes - they ACTUALLY sell this) but it’s not helping. And my female, who is 7 years old, is getting a little thin.
Hm.
Fat animals are adorable, but he’s nearing a point where I’m starting to get a little worried. Same for my female, except in the reverse.

That’s a quarter - YES a quarter.

This is what I am feeding them - but obviously, even though it is senior, it’s causing Indie to loose weight and not making a difference for Maynard.

I can stop giving him food 24/7, and only give rations… but where would that leave Indie, since she needs to gain?

I’ll think of something.

Brown hurr

I went to Walmart to make a run for food. I FUCKING HATE THAT PLACE. I would choose to go somewhere else, but albertson’s is noticeably much more expensive, and walmart has pretty good deals. THERE’S SO MANY STUPID PEOPLE SHOPPING THERE.

Why is it that 5 people have to walk side-by-side down the parking lot aisle, leaving you driving slow as shit behind them? I’m a nice person, and I get pissed quietly and don’t do anything about it. But I swear, NEXT time I’m going to get right up on their ass and blast my horn. …. (haha, that came out funny).

After moving to the Dallas/Fort Worth area, one of the first things I noticed was how people would cross in front of the store without even looking or stopping, expecting the drivers to stop for them. This never happened in El Paso, the pedestrians would be the ones stopping and making sure it’s clear before walking, otherwise they’d likely get hit.

AND then the iggits who have to leave their damn shopping carts in the middle of the shopping aisle, walk about 20 feet and spend a hour figuring out what to buy… then your coming along and have to push their damn cart out of the way so that you can get through.

AND not the mention the people who take up the whole shopping aisle and walk slow as hell.

sheeeeesh.

At least it wasn’t a friday or saturday evening. I avoid Walmart like a plague on these days.