BethTrippin.com

Well….

 I’m drunk; which is a common situation for me. I cannot begin to explain how pathetic and alcoholic I am. I finally am able to find a computer and be capable to upload 426 photos on mymyspace (which took bout 2 hours). I now am capable of being able to update this lameass ‘blog’… I’m just using this fuckin domain to back-up photos (and so forth); I keep saying that I will one day get off my arse and make something of this… however it’s a bit complicated with my lifestyle.

We are heading to Colorado; bout 3 weeks behind ’schedule’; however I have found so many buddies in the process. Currently I’m pretty much homeless - I have the option to live with my sister again; however - last time I did that I held a job and it went to shit… I cannot handle working 9am-5pm …

 I’m actually enjoyin my life at the moment; I found family. We are to head to Colorado tomorrow. I met fellow whom is a tattoo artist; he has already done some badass work on me.

Well… I’ll keep everyone posted.

Oh and my hair is dreading; I have been neglecting it for weeks and now; well… I think it looks prettty damn good.

Hi.

Headin to colorado.

I figure I’m in due time to update this lameass blog.

I’m still in Austin Texas; whether it is a mental breakdown that keeps me away from Dallas -  I am not sure - but I have a bad habit of leaving homebase for several months and fucking off and drinking…. or well, I still drank my ass off whilst living in Dallas/Fort Worth…. I just enjoy meeting new folks in new environments.

I intend to head to Colorado soon; we plan to rubbertramp our asses up there since I crave seeing mountains again; and moreso seeing new people. It’s already here, in Austin Texas that I have met so many awesome folks that I do not want to leave, though I want to have some kind of change of environment - I guess I cannot find myself properly and choose to drink and run away from everything. I cannot explain this certain breaking point; however alcohol is a huge influence. I often wish I could just be normal.

The past week I’ve been going through problems with my innerds - I might only be 22 but I’ve been drinking for many years and perhaps it is finally catching up with me.  I don’t keep track of how much I drink; as after 10 beers I binge. My buddy hooked me up with antibiotics… I think I have a kidney infection. I’ve had bladder and urinary infections, but this is different. My back hurts like a motherfuck and peeing is hell. I find myself waking up every hour of the night in pain and I feel that my body is near bout to explode.

I need to slow down.

As I type this at this moment I am sucking on my beautiful bottle of Old Crow.

Is this a demise of Beth? Or simple a quarter-life crisis?

I cannot foretell the future; I understand I am immature and irresponsible - but I’m one lost individual and I choose to drink my ass off to escape how much I have fucked up. Alcohol is the solution yet the cause of all problems.

I enjoy those I currently am around; I feel that I have folks who enjoy my company… and the reason for that is that I just want to be liked. All humans want to be liked.

I met this swell felllow; Harvey ; he’s a very talented tattoo artist. He did a piece of one of my ferrets on my calf. We’ve been hanging out for weeks now; living together with other buddies.
New places. New faces; I love it. I enjoy meeting new folks.

Well, I’m getting drunker as I get further into this blog, so I must quit typing.

Well I pretty much have been in this city for about 6 weeks. Don’t ever want to go back to dallas/fort worth. People here are so swell and non-judgmental; I live in a one bedroom apartment with 5 people (or 6, but one of which isn’t always there).  We literally call ourselves a family and I feel awkward when we are all separated. I honestly do feel accepted,and it’s a great feeling.

There’s a big chance I might up and leave and go traveling, I really don’t know what’s going on my life right now.

I also need to get rid of this dumbass site because I’ve really lost inspiration to blog; it makes me out to be such a whiny bitch.

I’m blowing my car up and faking my death. I hate everything.

Yeah I’m alive.
… Whether that’s good or bad; I’m unsure.

A lot has happened, lost another job, met a guy (no idea where that’s going but I’m just taking it as it comes - after all; men = greatness, then quickly followed by hell and further loneliness). Been going to many punk/metal shows, denounced 4 people as friends in the past month (3 of which because drugs and I’m not going to see them go down like so many others; and I’ve been there, lost my first two apartments because of that and much of my sanity) and another because of that guy I mentioned previously (makes no sense; she’s just crazy).

I’ve been drunk for the past 4 years or so but it comes in phases, and the past 3 months has literally been nonstop. I mean, I do manage not to drink during the day, but once 6pm comes around I get very shaky and antsy and that leads me to a drink, then to another, and about 10 more following that. Otherwise I just get jumpy, my vision slightly looses itself; and forget trying to sleep, the paralysis gets horrendous.
The drama involving several folks has pretty much set me in a bad mind-set and my depression is kicking in again. Or, well. I think I’m always depressed. I just like to try to keep myself distracted.
I’ve also had a bad habit these past many months of not going home. I go out, and pretty much couch surf between multiple friend’s apartments and get drunk as piss night after night. I hate coming home, it just makes me feel guilty to be sitting in my sister’s house because I cannot get my life together. I also hate the fact that when my parents come in town I feel like I’m of no importance - and sure, it is my fault, I’ve always ben a very complicated child. But as of now, I almost feel no bond with my family (besides my sister, whom I feel is slowly getting tired of putting up with me).

Hell. Fuck it. It could always be worse. That’s my life motto. Has been for many years. And when I do come home, I enjoy lying on my floor playing with the ferrets.

Damn, who woulda thought vodka and mango V8 Splash was a damn good combination.

If someone could just create a tele-porter; please contact me. I’m interested in being a guinea pig. Send me to an uninhabited island with nothing but horses and rolling hills with rocky cliffs and waterfalls.

Oh and I just remembered to mention, I got a letter in the mail today with was rather humorous. Texas has this whole ‘Don’t Mess with Texas’ campaign; which… previously… thought it was just some random road-signs that tax payers paid for. BUT - this letter I received had a notice saying that I was witnessed throwing a cigarette butt out of my car on October 5th 2009 at 7am and a civilian turned me in. The letter even has my plate number on it, make and model of my car, and the location of which this occurred at.
What boggles my mind is the fact that some dumbass tree-hugging hippie would go as far as to call the ‘Report a Litterer’ program for a mother fucking cigarette butt. Ridiculous.

Move to an Indian slum. Then call ‘Report a Litterer’ and see how many laughs you get. Jesus Christ. The letter they sent me probably used just as much resources as a fucking cig butt that’ll bio-degenerate in 10 years anyway.

People are so fucking retarded. All they want to do is start problems. There’s such a select few who actually care and want to have a good time.

Why are people so damn mean all the time, I just don’t get it. I need to step up and become a bitch and start treating everyone like shit, just as they treat me.

Hacking up lung butter and coughing my ass off. Cigarettes taste like shit.

Oh how I love being sick.

But I’m still going out tomorrow.

And btw - Assassin’s Creed 2 is fucking awesome. A million times better then the first.

I keep getting drunk and doing stupid things amongst folks I hang out with.

Given some time I’m going to fuck up everything if I don’t get my shit together. I hate beer.

I think I’m just going to seclude myself in my bat-cave for a few days. I don’t particularly want to, but I need to calm down and get some rest. My phone is broken anyway so nobody can contact me. I also have a new job, today was my second day and I’m lovin it. It’s at a video game store; so it’s perfect and very easy. Tomorrow will be an 11 hour shift because Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 comes out at midnight. Oh joy…

I also dreamt the other day that I got to be part of a camera crew for a porn; but it was The Simpsons.. , and everything was flooded because of a hurricane… and jesus showed up… Uhm. Yeah. Makes no sense.

This is seriously one poor excuse for a blog. It looks like shit, I don’t write anything really thought provoking, and it’s rarely updated. Sheesh.

So No Thanks Fest was last weekend, just two good ole’ days of being drunk, listening to good music and rolling around in the mud. My stomach hurts like crazy from all the alcohol consumption (well, and I drank last night, so that’s mainly why). Someone jacked the front plate of my truck and maybe my ipod (though there’s a large chance I could have just dropped it somewhere). But it’s worth it in the end, since I haven’t had that much fun in a really long time and I’m already impatient about next year. I’ve never met such hospitable people in my life, everyone was just very friendly and if they had a bottle of booze or some food they’d straight up ask if you wanted any.

The music was great, no real bad shit happened, even getting shot twice by a paintball gun by Lala’s crazy boyfriend was fun.

I also dreamt last night that I was in a Buddhist temple and there was some attractive dude I was hanging out with who wore a shirt with Sesame’s Street Ernie on it. The dream got very vivid but I’ll spare you guys. I wonder who he’s supposed to represent. His face is fuzzy, but didn’t seem like anyone familiar. Just an average guy.
I’ve been getting some really wacked dreams lately.

Oh and, uhm… by the way. I quit my job. Well, it was more like… I stopped showing up.
I just couldn’t take it anymore, they were a bunch of lazy assholes who had me doing all the work.

So here I am back at point A. Jobless. Huge social life. Drunk 75% of the time. Least I’m not depressed, or not yet anyways.

I rarely get comments these days that don’t involve Viagra or Russian spam; but it’s been about 2 weeks since I last checked this shit and I actually had two that were made from humans. I emailed one of the gals back, and then there was this one that I find thoughtful. Thanks person whomever you are. You should leave me an email address or myspace url so I can get back to ya.

My damn Macbook had some kind of stroke and won’t turn on now.. well; she turns on but stays on this floresent blue screen and doesn’t boot-up from there. Fuck my life. I intend to take her to the apple store to find out exactly what’s going on, but I’m sure it will involve me spending a asscrap of money to fix. I’m worried that it could be the harddrive; I have all my music on my ipod (which I seriously need to backup NOW before that MF fails on me just as all electonics do) and many photos uploaded on this server - but there are still things on the comp that mean the world to me (such as numorous videos of my deceased friend). I just refuse to think about it because it makes me want to bomb apple inc.

I’ve also been partying moreso in Bedford; I ended up calling in sick for work one day and then not calling nor showing another day last week. That cannot happen again, I will loose my job and once more I’ll be in a world of depression self-hatred shit. I’m really back on the alcohol again, that too must stop. However, willpower is just some word I cannot fathom. Everyday I clock out at work and drive home I have the hardest time keeping my mind set on just going to the house and not pulling into a convience store to buy booze. 95% of the time I fail. 80% of that I end up drunk as shit and get 3 hours of sleep and somehow manage to make to work at 6am still drunk and hating it. It really has nothing to do with having fun anymore; but just this weird pull of having my mind someplace other then ‘normal’.

Well. It’s only up to me to do anything about it, yet here I am - have had 8 beers and gotta get up at 6am tomorrow. I’m not ‘drunk’, but am buzzing slightly. Oh fuckkkk.
Why me? Is there any REAL explanation for this? I got piss drunk last night, and 4 nights last week. Shouldn’t that be enough?! My sister and her bf even hide their beer in her car, which is fuckin pathetic. Sheesh.

As for the whole Bedford party-hardy times, I think those folks are all sick of me. I need to be caged.

Yeah, well. I must get some sleep.

I’m finally over Fallout 3. I’ve actually been falling asleep behind the controller while playing it. So now I have moved on - to Half-Life.
I’ve already played it but that was years ago, and now I remember how badass it is. I want a pet Head Crab. Dammit.

Work is taking over my life. But it’s still better then lying around hating myself and wasting my parents money. It’s great being able to pay my sis for housing and buy my own shit. It’s really taken a lot of guilt off my back and has made my life so much better.

I just love it how I can get over 100 comments on a single post that are all spams for viagra.

…on here.

There isn’t much to talk about these days, I’m consumed with working and whenever I’m home I’m passed out by 9pm or playing video games.

I’m off sunday, so I’ll be able to go to a much anticipated show in Denton tomorrow night; the band headlining is Hellbasterd and they’re pretty awesome. There’s also a bunch of good local grind/crust bands playing as well.
I think I’m just excited about going to a show, it’s been about a month since I last went to one and I’m starting to get withdrawls.

The past two times I went out I just hung and got drunk with a small group of friends in Bedford. Fun times. Fun times. I’ve really been saving money by not going to bars, it makes a huge difference. Not to mention the fact I have a job and am putting in about 40 hrs a week. I pay my sister half my paycheck, but I’m still better on cash then I ever have been and knowing I earned it makes me feel pretty damn good.

As for the diet - eh. I’m not doing as good, I’m still keeping my calories under 1600 a day and I don’t drink anything other then water with lemons (but beer calls on occasions). Or well, hm.. I’m actually not doing anything wrong with it. I eat a multigrain turkey sandwich with no mayo at work, and at home I make sure to consume just low-cal stuff. I’ve also been doing good with not eating past 7pm.
Yesterday was a big no-no … I got a full rack of ribs from Chili’s and ate the ENTIRE thing. Eeeeek.

Also, something hilarious happened last weekend, I got a call from ‘it’ and I was drunk as shit and being a bitch to him. Haha; I’m sure I said a lot of dumbass things but hell, I don’t care. I’ll never see him again anyways, he’s on the otherside of the damn country. Good.

I just spent the last 3 god damn hours cleaning the fuck out of the ‘cat’ room and my bathroom; then organizing all the piles of shit on the floor of my room (which… is one hell of an effort…). I love my sister’s cats, but man… they cough up hairballs and puke all over my side of the house, and whenever their litterbox is full they shit and piss in my bathroom.
Although frustrating, smelly, and gross… they are very entertaining whenever I get up for work at 4am each morning. This must be the best ’spaz’ time for cats; they run in circles and are very vocal.

Cleaning would have gone by so much faster, except the vacuum isn’t working properly… there’s something wrong with the belt. So with that, I got on my hands and knees and tediously vacuumed the entire ‘cat’ room (around 15 ft x 15 ft) using the attached hose. It sucked (well, literally), and the heat coming out the vacuum just made it ridiculously hot and the damn thing kept falling on me whenever I pulled on the hose. I decided that I’d get to my room and the other parts of the house whenever the vacuum is fixed.

But, as a benefit for all that hard work, the carpet has never been cleaner. Focusing on it inch-for-inch really makes a difference.
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Also, today at work was pretty fun. There is this girl who works there, whom I really get along with; however she only only comes in on the weekends. I wish she’d work during the week too, she’s fuckin hilarious and really makes things more enjoyable. Pretty much everything we say to each other is random cracks on customers, stupid stories about and our love for alcohol, and how much we hate bagels (given - we work at a bagel shop were folks pay $2.00 for a bagel with shmear).

My feet have being killing me for weeks though, as because of work I am having to stand for 6 hours daily. It could be my shoes; they are Globes… that I bought many months ago (online) but found them too ugly to wear. They came in handy for work though, since they are solid black and that it part of the dress code. I had to sew the tongues down with a leather needle because they didn’t hug my feet properly and kept slipping off the back of my heel. I talked to another co-worker about my foot pain and she said it was normal, as hers hurt her for many weeks when she first started working at the store; so with her input I figure it is normal, and not caused by my footwear. This is the exact pair.

This is one randomized post, the reason for this is because I drank a Joose. For those who have no idea of this drink, it is a 9.9% alcohol malt liquor packed with caffeine, taurine and ginseng - and costs around $2.50 for 24oz. It’s not in many places, which is a good thing.. because if so I’m sure the fda would intervene (as they did with Sparks). It tastes like bum-piss but it’s worth it.
Although, it gives the most horrendous hangovers and constant consumption could probably do some hellish damage to your body.

Well, I’ll just shutup now.